Let's drown deep in us...

6.24.13

I've always loved Maxwell, but over the past two weeks my love has grown tremendously. It's like I can't get enough of his music and I could listen to him all day and never get tired of it. I love when artists write and produce their own stuff then top it off with a beautiful voice. His music is smooth, sexy, funky, and painfully good. I love it :) 

It's been an entire year since I've recorded myself singing. I was a bit hesitant to come back to it but I got so caught up in this song that I felt like I didn't have a choice. So here's my version of Maxwell's "Drowndeep: Hula." Keep in mind that I am not a singer, I just really love this song lol.

Crochet Braids Pt. 8 - Straight Hair

In October I thought that it would be a great idea for me to get straight crochet braids again, with auburn hair as my back bottom layer and with my hair left out in the front to blend. Well, that was a horrible idea. After spending like 2 days on my hair, it just was a fail. The color was pretty but the cut wasn't working and I didn't leave enough hair out to blend good. I wanted to keep it straight but that wasn't working, so we braided it and rodded the ends. It gave it this beach wavy/curly look which was cute but the front was just wrong smh. So I ended up wearing a scarf in the obvious, "I'm lazily blending my hair with hair that isn't mine" way. Yuck. I made it work for like 3 days until I took it out. The only picture I have of it is from when I went to see Raheem DeVaughn for the 5th time.

Side note - I fucking love that man. He is a wonderful performer and his spirit is so sweet. He has the prettiest, gentle eyes. Ugh and don't get me started on his stage presence!

Anyway, back to my hair...I tried something different and learned that maybe I shouldn't be so ambitious with my hair lol.

Hair Growth/Retention Frustrations

10.29.13

I'm not gonna lie. I'm upset. Why, after getting my last perm over 5 years ago is my hair only 12 inches long? Lately I've been clipping my ends every other month because my split ends and single strand knots have been out of control. I really gotta do better to take care of my hair. Well, of myself period, really.

Starting in December I'm gonna do another 6 month protective style challenge. I really need to baby my ends, continue to deep condition every time I shampoo and figure out what it is I need to do to get my hair to a better place. During these next six months I plan on doing havana twists, crochet braids, box braids, kinky twists, flat twist updos, ponytails/buns, mini twists,and any other style that requires minimum manipulation.

I know that health is what's most important but I would be kidding myself if I said that I didn't want to have long hair. To me, length is one indication of it being healthy. I'm really going to try to work on it.  

Straight Hair Itch

11.1.13

I've been thinking about straightening my hair for a few months now. I was waiting to buy a new flat iron and for the weather to change before giving a straight hair a shot. The weather has changed so I figured one of these days I'd do some research and buy a flatiron. Before I got a chance to do my research I randomly came across this video.




My last rollerset got my hair realllly straight so I was like ding ding ding when I watched this. I've seen this method before but her results had me wanting to try it on my next washday.

A couple of weeks ago I received a box of 9 products from Profective...yup, I won another giveaway! :)
It was so random too. I got an email in September from LoveBrownSugar telling me that I won a giveaway that I entered in May! So I had to go back and see what it was I won. I'm thinking I just won a shampoo and conditioner but I get a box full of 9 things, yes 9!!! Now this Mega Growth line isn't necessarily geared towards natural hair so I was happy to get them but not ecstatic. I actually ended up donating a couple of things. After deciding to try straight hair, I figured I could use these products. They also claim to be good for heat styling so I thought my rollerset would come out pretty decent.

...which it did. Except for my ends, which desperately needed to be clipped. After wrapping my hair it did not get any straighter. And no I don't have pics lmao. Maybe I'll try it again with different products. Maybe lol.

Updates...

I just realized that I haven't blogged in almost 6 weeks. It wasn't my intention to to neglect it, I just haven't been feeling like writing plus I haven't felt like I had anything to say. Well, not anything good anyway. Lately I've just been feeling like blah. No excitement. But that isn't new right? Smh.

As far as an update goes??? There is no update. Right now I'm just existing and I need to get my shit together. But I always say that right? Smh. I have a few blogs that I wrote a while ago that I never posted and I decided not to revisit them but to just post them as is.


Oh yeah, I did my own box braids last week! I've never had box braids and I'm glad that I was able to do it myself. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but that could be because I did it the "easy" way and used my hair as the third strand in the braid. It's not as tight or neat as if I had got it done by someone else, but I don't really care. I did it all by myself and if it only lasts 6 weeks, that's good enough for me.

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Can U Handle It?

I would like to thank Robin Thicke and Usher for this song. Thaaaaank youuuu :)

No but seriously, just hearing this song come on does something to me. Looove it :)

Boy Crazy? Meeeee?

Last week I found my old journal that briefly chronicled bits and pieces of my life from 2004-2006. It was a bit weird to see where was head was at during that part of my life. Especially since that feels like a lifetime ago.

• I was kinda boy crazy. Which was a shock to me because I've never outwardly shared those type of feelings. I guess that's what I was using my journal for. But I was shocked to see that 90% of what I wrote was about random boys lol.
• I talked about sex a lot. Like, a lot. I wasn't doing anything just yet but I damn sure was into talking about it lol.  Horny lil teenagers man smh
• I mentioned my father once. And it was just a sentence. I didn't allow myself to talk about him and in a way, I still don't. I miss him, he's not here anymore...what else do I need to say? 
• I was soooo into my ex boyfriend lol
• I really wish I would've kept writing. I would love to see how I was feeling during all the craziness that came after that period.

Maybe I should start keeping a journal again. Hmmm....

I Will Love Me

Last Sunday I went to SOBs for R&B Spotlight featuring Lil Mo. I really enjoyed watching all the unsigned/unknown talent because it brought me back to the days when we'd go to the 5 Spot  for karaoke/open mic every week. Lil Mo's set was good, but that wasn't a surprise at all. And omg she's so tiny! lol During the show there were a couple of good performers but the one that stood out the most was Rachel Kerr from the UK. her voice was beautiful and she was really engaging, she had a great stage presence. Her voice is freakishly similar to Beyonce's, which I found to be creepy at first but I got over it lol. After being impressed, that night I looked her up. Here's one of the songs she performed:



I really like this song, especially live. And I randomly catch myself singing it. I look forward to seeing more from her :)

My First Flexi Rod Set :)

9.24.13

I recently ordered a few things from Darcy's Botanicals and figured I'd try em out with my new flexi-rods.

First off, I just need to say how yummy all the products smell! The Curl Styling Leave In Cream smells like butter cream frosting, the Curling Cream Gel  smells like Skittles and the Sweet Cocoa Bean Curl Smoothing Cream smells like hot chocolate, yum :). For my flex-rod set I decided to just go with the leave in and gel with some coconut oil. I used 36 11/16 inch rods and I think it took me about an hour to set my hair. I slept with the rods and took down my hair the next day. Here's my results: 

 

Pretty decent, right? The hold was good, my hair was soft and I had some shine, which I looove. I used a bit too much oil but other than that I think my hair came out really good. I'm gonna enjoy using these products :)

As far as how long the set lasted...I don't know how long it could've lasted because after two days I combed out my curls and twisted my hair for a very nice twistout. Pictures? Nahh you'll just have to take my word for it lol.


10.23.13

I've since used all three products for multiple things and I am sold! The Smoothing Cream is great on dry hair and I even had a pretty good rollerset with it. I've used the gel on wet and dry braidouts and I like that it has a hold but it isn't crunchy. I've read reviews where people said the hold was too hard but I haven't experienced that at all. I guess its best used when layered with other products. I also like that after a while I was lazy, didn't wash my hair but kept on using the products without crazy buildup.

Softest Place on Earth

"Softest Place on Earth" from Xscape's Traces of My Lipstick (1998)




So smooth and sexy :)

Ooh Baby

"Ooh Baby" from Ciara's Goodies (2004)




When Ciara's first album came out, me and my sister played it nonstop. Like over and overrrr lol. Nine years later and I'm still in love with the CD. Whenever I hear a song from it I'm brought back to being 14/15. It's crazy when I look back on it, it feels like forever ago. I really enjoyed that part of my life. It was my freshman year of high school. I was young and cute of course lol. Crushing hard on this boy, living life carefree. I miss those days.

I really love how music can bring up old feelings. Well, the good ones anyway lol. Momentarily you're brought back to the moment you first heard or fell in love with a song. And you remember just how good it felt...

Corkscrew Curls

This is a great Bantu Knot-Out alternative! I'd love to give this a try in the future :)

Thirsty Thursdays?

Ever since I was a little girl I have loved songs about sex. Like, a lot. Shameful, I know. But to be honest, it was innocent when I was younger. I liked the way sexy songs felt and of course, the subject matter as well. It was interesting, even if I didn't really understand (which a lot of the times I didn't until I got older). I'm not ashamed to say that I have had a dirty mind for as long as I can remember. It's just what it is. Trust and believe, there is a huge difference between my dirty mind and my oh so clean reality lol. I've just always been comfortable talking about sex and at one point I even thought I would be a sex therapist. I haven't thought about that in a while, hmmm....

Anyway, after posting Avant's "Ooh Ahh" on Tuesday, something clicked. I loooove me some sexy ass songs and to be honest, Literary Thursdays ain't never gonna happen lol. Soooo why not just post some of my favorite sex songs? Sounds like fun to me lol.

So to start it off, here's one of my favorite songs from Raheem DeVaughn's A Place Called Love Land, "Cry Baby"





If you haven't picked up his new album yet, you are sooo missing out. It's a really solid album, I like every single song. And OMG he's tryna get people pregnant! Which of course, I love lmao

Ooh Ahh

"Ooh Ahh" from Avant's My Thoughts (2000)





This is one of my absolute favorite Avant songs. It's just so damn sexy :)

Clip-ins???

For the past few months I've been itching to add a little color to my hair. I flirted with the idea of dying my ends but I never really came to a decision of whether or not I should do it. Lately I've been thinking I could add color when I twist my hair or get crochets. That way I can get what I want without the risk of damaging my hair. Last week I came across two videos of natural haired ladies that used clip-ins to get a little splash of color. I know plenty of women add little pieces here and there but it never even crossed my mind to add hair to mine. I think in terms of either just my hair alone or a complete protective style with all of my hair covered. Clip-ins have never entered my world of possibilities but now that they have, I'm intrigued.

Here's the videos:


Oh, just to warn you, she has a ton of gorgeous hair!



I like how in the following video she incorporates the clip-ins as she styles her hair instead of just adding them in later.




If I can't find any affordable clip-ins I could always buy some regular old weft hair and sew on the little comb thingies myself lol.



Knowing me...I'll probably just skip looking for clip-ins and go right to the cheapie version. Cuz that's how I get down lmao

Random Wednesday: Naughty Farmer!

As I mentioned before, Turquoise Jeep's music is my guilty, well not so guilty pleasure lol. Yesterday they released a new video!!! Check it out:

"Naughty Farmer" by Flynt Flossy ft. Young Humma

This Luv

"This Luv" from Donell Jones' Where I Wanna Be (1999)




I don't think I could ever get tired of this song :)

Hair Porn!!!

I love this girl's hair!!! I swear everything she does to her hair comes out beautifully. Love love love it :)

It's ok

Last week when I arrived at work one of my coworkers was crying. I had absolutely no idea what happened or why she was crying but I immediately started crying. Yes. I knew I was an emotional person but damn, that emotional? I know that I feed off of other people's energy but it was crazy how I felt her hurt and pain without even knowing what happened.

After we talked about what was bothering her, I tried my best to comfort her. I told my coworker that it was ok for her to feel the way she was feeling and not to be embarrassed. Of course no one wants to be boohooing at their place of work but if that's how you're feeling, that's how you're feeling. I shared with her that I've cried in the train station, Payless, at a bus stop, in a diner, and in the food court of my college. I've cried in many more places on the spot and you know what? I don't care. I felt how I felt and I released it. And it's ok. 

About 8 or 9 years my aunt gave me some great advice that I still adhere to. She told me that however I am feeling, in that moment it is ok to feel that way and express it. This conversation was around the time that my father died. Before that moment I used to bottle everything up until I got to a point where I'd just explode. Others saw these moments as tantrums but what really was going on was that I didn't know how to express myself and properly communicate when something was bothering me. But after this conversation with my aunt, I  became more vocal and unashamed of my feelings. If I'm so upset that I feel like crying, I cry. Sometimes holding it in and trying to be strong isn't really strong. We're all human. And you know what? It's ok.

Rock Paper Scissors

Kreesha Turner's "Rock Paper Scissors" from her 2011 album Tropic Electric




OMG I was completely obsessed with this song/video for about a month in 2011. Loooove it :)

Senegalese Twists

I said I'd post a picture of my hair, so here it is...

I know that it doesn't look too full but I still like it. It's like that because I didn't want the twists too big or too small and my hair is pretty thin so there was really no way I would be able to have 80 bajillion twists anyway. I plan on keeping these for as long as they look good - probably 6 weeks or so. We'll see :)

Yes, I am alive :)

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've written anything. To be completely honest, the reason is simple: I had nothing to write about. Absolutely nothing. I was tired of the "hum ho, I'm unemployed, woe is me" posts, hair posts seemed less appealing, and I figured I shouldn't force what's not there. For the last two months I basically gave up on writing. But lately, I've actually missed it quite a bit. So here's a quick, possibly random update on what's going on in my life:

• I'm taking a break from my hair. My lovely sister gave me some Senegalese twists last weekend and I plan on keeping them for at least 6 weeks. I might post pics...maybe.
• I started working out on a regular basis 3 weeks ago. Things were going great but I had to stop because it became difficult for me to find the time because......
• I GOTS ME A JOB!!! Yuuuuup :). I started training on August 7th and I'm just now getting into the swing of things. It's a part time job but TRUST, I am ever soooo grateful. After being unemployed for over a year it is definitely a blessing to be able to say that I am employed. Yesssss :)
• I've been thinking about men a lot lately. It's not just my normal daily sexual thoughts about chocolate men, it's been more of a, "hmm I wonder what it would be like to have a boo?" thoughts. I haven't had those kind of thoughts in years. I guess that could mean something. Maaaaybeeee I'm open to dating. I mean, hey, I like me, why not have that in common with someone else? lol
• It feels weird having money and paying bills again, which means I've been unemployed for too damn long smh.
• Almond milk is soooo yummy! Eff cow's milk lol
• From now on I'll probably only have Tunesday and Natural Hair Fridays. If I feel like doing Random Wednesdays and Literary Thursdays, I will. If I don't, I won't. Yup.
• I love having to get up and leave my house (almost) every day. It really has lifted my spirits just knowing I have somewhere to be and something to do. 
• Mannnn I need my back cracked. If you're a fan of Tamar Braxton, you know what I mean lmfao
• It's time for me to plan a "Thank God Shatera finally has a motherfucking job" party!!!! Oh yeahhhhh baby :)
• I'm thinking about revamping my blog again. Hmmm, idk...
• OMG how could I almost forget...I saw Raheem DeVaughn, Avant, Monifah, Donell Jones, Lyfe Jennings, Erica Campbell (from Mary Mary), Tweet, Meli'sa Morgan, and Hi-Five a couple of weeks ago for 107.5 WBLS' 5th annual free R&B Fest at Central Park Summerstage. It was a great day :). I haven't seen Rah perform since 2010 so it was great seeing him...I'm looking forward to seeing him when he comes back to NY. Also, I've always loved Avant but this show made me love him even more. I definitely have to see him live in the future. Mmhmmmm yes lol. 
• I've been thinking about singing a lot lately. A lot. We'll see where that goes.

Summer Rain

"Summer Rain" from Carl Thomas' 2000 Emotional



This song is definitely in my top five feel good songs. It's just so chill and relaxing. It makes me want to dance, sing and keep it on repeat for 30 minutes :)

Braid & Curl pt.2

I love second day hair :)

Braid & Curl

After washing my hair I felt like doing something different, so I decided on a Braid and Curl. I said I wanted to try this style a few months ago when NikkiMae did one for Valentines Day. I did a variation of what she did.

I used a tiny bit of Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture as my leave in, olive oil as a sealer, Cantu Shea Butter Coconut Curling Cream as a styler and a bit of the As I Am Curling Jelly Curl and Coil Definer.

I didn't want to have a bajillion braids so I ended up with 17. I braided until there was 2 inches of hair left and rolled the ends with some perm rods.

Here's a nice tutorial that's similar to what I did. Her braids are bigger than mine, but its the same concept.





This was my first time using the Coconut Curling Cream and I really like it. My hair is moisturized, has shine and bounce and it smells yummy lol. As far as the style, it came out ok, nothing spectacular. It looks like a regular ole braidout. I think that next time I'm going to have bigger braids and leave more hair unbraided at the end. I also think I'm going to use my small rollers, which are slightly bigger than the perm rods that I used.

Here's a couple of pics:

Drowndeep: Hula

Last week VH1Soul played Maxwell's Soul Story and his VH1 Storytellers from 2011. Of course I was elated because I loooove me some Maxwell. After hearing him perform this song, I just could not get it out of my head. Its just so soothing, beautiful, sensual, melodic...perfect. You ever hear a song and feel it resonate within your being? Yeah, that's what this song does to me. 

"Drowndeep: Hula" from Embrya (1998)

 

Omg the end of the second verse is just...ugh. When he sings "How could I let you go" my heart aches...but in a good way. Damn you Maxwell! :) 

Here's the whole set from Storytellers. The intro to "Drowndeep" starts at 10:55ish and its followed by my all time favorite Maxwell song, "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever" at around 18:00.

Enjoy :)

I really need some live music in my life. I'm missing it.

WnG turned Twistout

So five days after my As I Am WnG, I got a bit tired of my hair. It wasn't dirty so I decided to wet it, comb through it and and do a twistout. I figured I could pin them down to stretch them like I'd seen Naptural85 do before -

I ended up with 17 twists because I wanted them to be chunky. I took out the pins the next day but waited five days to take them down. I was glad to see a bit of hangtime and nice definition.

I gave up on twistouts a long time ago but as usual, I'm changing my mind lol. I still love a good braidout though.

Random but here's a couple of curlies I found while combing out my hair :). Yup, I have a bunch of weird S/U shaped curls lol

Ask Myself

Robin Thicke's "Ask Myself" from The Evolution of Robin Thicke (2006)

Advantages of Fine Hair

A couple of weeks ago, I came across an article that Jenell from Kinky Curly Coily Me reposted from Black Girl Long Hair which listed advantages of fine natural hair. I usually complain about how fine my hair is but while reading this article it made me feel better. I guess its good to look at the positive side of things that seem to be negative. 
 
7 Advantages of Fine Natural Hair

Fine hair almost always gets a bad rap. We’re all familiar with its downsides — scalpy twists, fros that flop and susceptibility to breakage — but we don’t always discuss the benefits of having fine natural hair. Here are 7 unique advantages of fine natural hair. For the purposes of this article, fine hair refers to thin strand and low density hair.

1. Less Products

With fine hair, a dime-sized amount of product goes a very, very long way! Thicker haired naturals require more product to coat and seal their strands, plus they often require heavier products — like shea-based butters and creams — that tend to be more expensive. Many fine haired naturals can skip heavy butters and seal with lighter, cheaper products like coconut oil or aloe gel.

2. Easier and Faster Hair Straightening

While coarse strands and thick hair take more coaxing to loosen their curl pattern, fine hair tends to take to heat more easily and requires less of it to straighten out. On the flip side, you have to be careful not to burn fine strands. Keep your blowdryer at medium to low temperatures, and don’t keep the flat iron on for long!

3. Easier Bunning

Thick hair can look a bit bulky when pulled into a bun or a single braid and can put a strain on hair ties and bobby pins. Fine hair is easier to pull into one, and can look a bit more effortless.

4. Hot Weather Friendly

There’s nothing hotter in the summer time than a mass of thick, heavy strands. The “scalpiness” of fine haired styles is actually a plus in the summer time, providing a way for heat to escape the body.

5. Shorter wash day

While thicker haired naturals have to divide their strands into several sections and cleanse and condition each one individually, fine haired naturals can get away with fewer section and, in some cases, not sectioning at all. Plus, fine haired section take less time to work through and air dry much faster.

6. Easier Detangling

When you have less strands to detangle, the process is much quicker. Plus, fine haired naturals can get away with finger detangling only, while many thicker haired naturals must also incorporate hair tools like Denman brushes and wide toothed combs.

7. Faster Styling

When there’s less hair to get through, styling tends to go faster. On fine hair a set of twists or box braids can take less than 2 hours, while thick hair styling often take 4 hours of more. Plus, thick hair can be a downside at the salon, with many stylists charging extra cash for clients with a lot of hair to get through.


Source

I agree with everything listed and I can also add that I love that my hair dries pretty fast.

Wash & Go - As I Am

Warm weather has finally arrived and with it comes my excitement for wash and goes. I haven't been too excited about wash and goes in a couple of years. Lately I've been having the itch lol. I never really had a great experience with a wash and go and I'd love to play around with different products to see what could work well for me.

It recently dawned on me that I never show off MY curls. I'm forever braiding, twisting, bantu knotting, roller setting, and whatever elsing my hair. I barely ever just let my hair be. So I'm going to start doing just that. Plus, a good wash and go can last me up to a week. For a long time I thought that WnGs gave me single strand knots and split ends. Come to find out that ANYTHING I do to my hair gives me SSKs and split ends lmao. So I said eff it, I'm gonna do what I want any damn way. 

Over the next few weeks I'm going to try out a few things. First on the list is what I have left from a free sample I received months ago - As I Am Leave In & Curling Jelly Curl and Coil Definer.

As soon as put the Leave In on my hair I felt my hair smile. It had nice slip and smelled like cake batter lol. I followed up with some olive oil. The Jelly looked like, um, mucus. I really felt like I was putting snot in my hair lmfao. I was kind of unsure about the Jelly because as soon as I added it to my hair, my hair felt a bit hard. It felt as if it wasn't agreeing with the other stuff on my hair. I was hopeful that it'd be fine though. Since my wash and goes tend to be a bit crunchy at first and soften up as time passes, I was ok with the crunch.

Here's a couple of pictures of it when it was freshly done and still soaking wet:

After it dried, I put olive oil on my hair and scrunched out the crunchiness.


Here's a few shots of it dry the next day: 

 

I'd love to try this leave in again. It just felt so nice on my hair. I'd try the Jelly again also because it gave me wonderful definition. The crunch eventually subsided and my little Jherri curls were still popping all over lol.

I'm excited for my next WnG :)

Big Ass Puff

I'm so in love with big, fluffy hair. This is the aftermath of my last braidout finger-combed out.

.

My puff is growing :)

4 Years Natural :)

I know I've been MIA for a while. I haven't been in much of a blogging mood. I've been feeling kinda blah this past month. But as usual, I've kept myself kinda busy with my hair.

I had mini twists for 2.5 weeks then I did another roller-set/blowout and dusted my ends. After doing a bantu-knot out, I decided to do a bunch of chunky twists. Twistouts on stretched hair don't usually come out good so this time around I used Curls Unleashed Curl Boosting Jelly for some hold and I loved the outcome. My hair was still light and fluffy with a nice wavy curl pattern.

After the twistout, I braided my hair in small sections using the Jelly and I ended up with 35 braids. I kept them in for a week and here's the outcome:

Fluffy goodness :)

When I first started my 6 Month Protective Style Challenge I thought it wouldn't be hard to stick to it. My problem was that I love playing in my hair. I like trying different styles and products so making a commitment to leave it alone was kinda hard. These past 6 months I've been breaking all my rules. I've used heat a few times and I haven't kept my hair in protective styles. When the colder months come back around I'll try to do another challenge and actually stick to the rules.

On a different note, today marks the fourth year since my BC. My hair isn't where I thought it would be by now but I'm not going to linger on the length issue. Here's my latest length check:

According to my Length Goal, I'm exactly where I wanted to be! I thought I might've been hopeful to think I'd get to Bra Strap Length by June but I'm basically there. Ok, I'm like 1/4 inch away but who cares? lol

Hopefully in a year from now I'll have Mid Back Length hair :)

90s Groove

I miss when songs had an extra minute of music to groove to.

Here's a few of my absolute favorites:

D'Angelo's "Lady" from Brown Sugar (1995)



Maxwell's "Ascension" from Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite (1996)



Raphael Saadiq's "Ask of You" from the Higher Learning Soundtrack (1995)



I could go on and on but I'll stop here.

Damn I miss the 90s.

I'm Not Ok

Temika Moore's "I'm Not Ok" from The End of Me (2012)



You ever hear a song and automatically wish you had written it yourself? I love when that happens. The first time I heard this song I had one of those moments.We've all had a moment when things weren't ok and nothing seemed to be going our way. There's no shame in admitting that you're not ok. When I heard this song, it was so easy to relate to and I knew exactly where Temika was coming from. Right now that is exactly how I'm feeling. I just need to not get stuck here.


I need to get it together...

I need to get back on track

I was looking through my unpublished posts and I came across this one from 12.4.12. I wonder why I never posted it...maybe I felt it was redundant? Oh well, here it is...



I've wanted to get a handle on what I eat for a long time. I know that I need to improve how and what I eat in addition to becoming more active. When I talk about wanting to lose weight, it is not just for aesthetic reasons. While I do want to look better, the real reason is because I need to feel better. I am 22 years old. I should not be getting winded easily or getting sore after barely being active. That's just not cool. I know that I've mentioned this mannyyyy times. But it's an issue that I haven't brought up in a while. And it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

Here's a picture of me after my cousin's wedding in 2008:

Four years and forty pounds ago. I couldn't squeeze into that dress if my life depended on it. SMH. I was looking at this picture the other day wondering how I got to my current size and trying to figure out a way to get and stay motivated to lose the weight that I want to.

• I need to get up off my ass and get moving! I can talk about losing weight all damn day, but if I don't add any action into it, it is completely pointless! I need to suck it up and get busy. Soon!
• My diet is not anywhere near what I would like it to be. I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables and most days I feel heavy and unsatisfied after I've eaten. Right now I can't buy the food I'd like to so I feel a bit limited. I also struggle with my portions. 
• I need a support system. Maybe I should join an online weight loss community or try to find people that want to achieve similar goals as me. Sometimes it's hard to stay on track when other people in my house aren't on board with changes. It's also hard for me to discuss weight/weight loss with my friends because they don't see what I see plus they have no idea about how it feels to be my size. If I have to hear the, "Oh Shatera you aren't fat" BS one more time, I just might go off. Next time, I'm just gonna say, "Yeah you're right. Technically I'm not fat, I'm obese." Which is the truth. Sugarcoating shit and telling me I'm not fat might make you feel better but it damn sure isn't helping me. Anyway, back to my point - I need a support system...and one that works. 

I know for a fact that I am not taking care of myself. I need to be better at feeding more than just my body. All aspects of my life are lacking. My energy, my spirit and my mind are all being neglected. ....

Headband Curls & Twistout

Sometime last year I came across a video of girl doing headband curls. I thought that it was a cool idea and her results were really nice. But the girl in the video had naturally straight hair so I didn't think it was something that would work on me. A few weeks later, I found a video of a natural haired woman who gave it a try. It intrigued me but I never came back to the idea of trying it out. Last Monday I was a bit bored again and figured it could be something cool to try. I figured that even if it came out bad I would figure something out to do with it. I was watching my nephew for most of this time so I decided to just leave the headband in for four days. I knew I wasn't going anywhere plus I already lost interest in styling my hair lol. Anyway, here's the vid:


Pretty cool right? Very simple with an alright outcome.

For her.

For me it was an...interesting look. My roots were poofy and so were my ends but the middle section had a nice spiral curl to it lol. Since my ends were frizzy, a cute puff was out of the question. So I tried a bun but it was kinda boring so I took it down. Then I decided to do a bunch of chunky twists and do an updo or bun with it. Fail. Fail. Fail. Since I had somewhere to be, I popped on a hat and kept it moving. When I got home later that night I made my twists smaller. I don't usually get good results with twistouts on dry hair but surprisingly, I did.

Big and fluffy :)

I've had a decent two weeks with the stretched hair from my rollerset and blowout but it is soooo time for me to wash my hair and come up with something else. We'll see :)

Flat Twistout

Last Friday I did about ten flatwists and since my hair is really stretched, I had to bantu the ends to ensure definition at the ends. 

I love how big and fluffy my hair gets with flat twist-outs.

Lifetime

Maxwell's "Lifetime" from Now (2001)



Lyrics:

I was reborn when I was broken  
I wouldn't believe, I wouldn't believe, no  
Been through a storm, no use in hoping  
That you would come rescue me  
Somehow your love set me free
 
And I, I can let my life pass me by  
Or I can get down and try  
Work it all out this lifetime  
Work it on out this time
I can let it all pass me by  
Or I can get down and try  
Work it all out this lifetime, lifetime
 
There was a time when love wasn't chosen 
Now I'm just open for more  
Now I'm just reaching out for something better  
Than I had before, girl  
There ain't a bottom line in your world
 
Ooh, and I, I can let my life pass me by 
Or I can get down and try  
Work it all out this lifetime  
Work it on out this time
I can let it all pass me by  
Or I can just try and try 

I can move to the light
Oh, if I take it one day at a time  
Oh, spread my love out and fly, oh, I 
(I can move to the light) 
Ooh, I can just make you understand 
That love is not a fairytale in a melody
If you want it you can have it, girl  
Maybe you will see, maybe you will see  
Ooh, oh, oh, wo, oh, lifetime, lifetime
 
Ooh, and I, I can let my life pass me by 
I can just try and try  
Work it all out this lifetime, lifetime 
I can let it all pass me by  
Or I can just, alright now  
(Lifetime, lifetime) 
 
I can let my life pass me by  
Work it on 
(Lifetime, lifetime) 
(I can let my life pass me by) 
There's no way, there's no way 
I won't leave you, I won't leave  
(Lifetime, lifetime)
(I can let my life pass me by)  

 

Braidout and Big Ass Hair

After my bantu knot-out I wanted something bigger and less curly. So I did about 19 medium sized braids and this was the outcome the next day:

I was sooo in love with how soft and fluffy my hair was. Since it was on blow dried hair, I was afraid that the definition wouldn't last all day. It actually held up pretty good though. When I got home I was kinda bored so I decided to play in my hair. I finger combed it and boy did it get BIG!

I love how disrespectfully big it got. Man I was in love lol. I have a problem though. I need to find a new protective style because I need to keep my hands out of my hair plus I kinda don't want to be bothered right now. I'll figure something out.

Optimistic

"Optimistic" by Sounds of Blackness from their 1991 The Evolution of Gospel album

Coil Out

This post is from before my last set of crochets. I just never posted it. Whoops lol


I have been toying with the idea of doing finger coils lately and I finally decided to just do it. I was unsure because the last time that I did coils, the detangling process at the end was torture. Ok, it wasn't that bad...just annoyingly tedious. I used my free jars of Curls Unleashed Curl Defining Creme and Curl Boosting Jelly. To avoid puffy roots, I decided to start off with a braid and coil the ends. I ended up with way more coils than expected, maybe about 40 or so. Next time I will do less because the larger ones actually came out better than the small ones. Here's the outcome:

I wore my hair like this for about a week. I enjoyed the look and low maintenance of it but after taking it down, my ends weren't too happy with me. I guess this isn't a style I can do often, or at all. Who knows with me though, I stay breaking my own damn rules smh.

Rollerset and Blowout

Last Thursday I took out my last set of Crochet Braids and I was sooo excited that I could wash and play with my hair. I missed my hair. A lot. On Friday I washed my hair, did a roller set and sat under the dryer for about 45 minutes. OMG I am SO happy that my sister bought a hooded dryer. It made the roller set process so much easier. When I took down my hair, I dusted my ends because they were looking quite raggedy. I did a coil out before the crochets and that resulted in a bajillion single strand knots :(. Anyway, I had my Tracee Ellis Ross look going on and it was super cute. I didn't take any pics though smh. That night I did pin curls to try to keep the style. When I woke up the next morning and took out a couple of curls, I noticed that I suck at pin curls...like really suck smh. My hair had a curl, a very wonky weird looking curl lol. So I decided to blow dry my hair to see how straight it would get. My hair is pretty thin, staring at it too long gets it straight lmao. So it got pretty straight but the ends lost all the curls. So I did temporary pin curls without pinning them to my head. Here's the outcome:

I was definitely feeling myself a bit lol. After doing some running around, my curls had dropped so I decided to do bantu knots. I had intended on doing about 5 to give my hair a nice wave. I ended up doing 9 so of course, it came out curlier than I wanted. Here's the look:

I know that I broke my no heat rule for my 6 Month Challenge but I'm sure that the little bit of heat that I used won't be too detrimental to my progress. Speaking of progress, I didn't do an official length check but I did notice some growth. However, I'm doubtful that I will reach my length goal. And you know what? I'm ok with that. Halfway through I thought it might be unobtainable but I kinda didn't care. While sometimes I do get pissed off that my hair isn't longer, I know that I have to get over it. Length isn't everything.

I'm going to try to keep my hair stretched like this for two weeks before I wash it and figure out my next move. Updates soon :)

Twistout on Blow Dried Hair

Isn't her hair just so damn gorgeous? I love watching her videos just so I could drool over how beautiful her hair is. You can check out the rest of her videos here.

Crochet Braids Update

It's been three weeks with my crochet braids and they have ran their course. While they still look ok, I miss my hair and I'm kinda bored with this hair. I really like Freetress Appeal and plan on using it again, probably only 3 packs next time though. I don't need the diva look again lol. While I had the hair in, I only wore it three ways. Either it was out, slightly pulled back or up in a bun thingy.

I enjoyed the look but its time for my hair to come back out. Although I considered doing a flat twist updo, I think I'm going to put my sister's new hooded dryer to use and do a rollerset. Let's see :)

Gather Together in My Name

I've decided to do a rollerset because that would give me a chance to sit under the dryer and start a book. Yes, I'm finally gonna start a book smh. A while back one of my professors gave me Maya Angelou's Gather Together in My Name. I figured it would be a good start to my weekly reading. When I was in high school I read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. I don't really remember the details of the book but I do remember liking her style of writing, so this should be good :)

Reflections

The last blog I wrote was so depressing and after posting it I realized that I sounded so sad and lost. My life sucks because I'm allowing it to. I have the power to change my circumstances. That's not going to change over night but in the meantime, I can work on my mind. I don't have to mope around the house sad and depressed just because I don't have somewhere to be everyday. I can find a more productive way to fill up my day. Plain and simple. Why let my life pass me by just because things aren't going my way? I really cannot allow myself to get back in the funk I've been in this past week. It's over. I just can't do it anymore.

Conversations

Them - Hey Shatera, how you doing?

What I say - I'm alright.

What I'm thinking - I feel like shit. Most days I either wanna run down the street screaming or bang my head up against the wall.

Them - How's the job search going?

What I say - Pretty unsuccessful. Hopefully I'll find something soon.

What I'm thinking - Not too well because I'm still fucking unemployed.

Of course it would be rude for me to respond that way. Sometimes I get tired of having the same old conversation over and over. I don't have a job. I'd like to. I'm unhappy right now. Case closed. What the hell else do you want me to say?

I've gotten to a place where I avoid situations where I have to talk about my life. I don't want to have small talk, I don't want to meet any new people and I barely want to talk to my family and friends. Pathetic right? Ehh, whatever. It's how I feel.

I know that I could find something positive in my life. Not having a job isn't the end of the world, it just makes me feel like I waste my time floating around purposeless. I don't like it. I hate having to depend on other people for every damn thing. You know what, complaining gets me no where so I'm gonna cut this short. I need a fucking job. I hope that I get something soon. Real soon...

Will I?

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?



This is my favorite song from Rent. Exactly how I've been feeling lately...

Spring is Coming :)

I love when I can smell Spring in the air. I know that's its been freezing and snowing lately but I still can feel Spring coming soon. Spring is my favorite time of the year because I can feel the shift in everything. The weather breaks, the flowers and trees bloom, the birds chirp...it's beautiful. I know I sound like some mushy love song but that's exactly how I feel when April rolls around. Can't wait :)

On another note, springtime symbolizes new life and new beginnings. I look forward to new things happening in my life. Right now I feel like my life is at a standstill and I refuse to continue feeling this way. Last week I was feeling good about myself and trying to stay positive. I'm trying to keep the momentum up because I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of moping around the house sad and unfulfilled. I may not have a job but I can find something else to do with my time. Something productive. This bump on a log shit has to end.

On another other note, when the weather breaks I always feel like its time to get twitterpated. If you don't know what that means, I'll let Owl explain it to you:



Bambi was my favorite movie growing up lol. Anyway, its been a longggg time since I was twitterpated. Every spring that feeling of wanting to comes back. I guess its just something in the air. 

Firework

Katy Perry's "Firework" from her 2010 album Teenage Dream



I ♥ this song :)

Crochet Braids Pt. 7 - Birthday Hair :)

My birthday was this past Thursday and leading up to last week I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my hair. Recently, I haven't felt like dealing with my hair and I knew I needed to put it away for a while. So of course, my first thought was to get some crochet braids. They're cheap, low maintenance and they don't put unnecessary stress on my hair. I've wanted to try long wavy hair for a long time so I quickly decided that is what I'd do. I had a moment of clarity and for once in my life, I made a decision in 5 minutes and I decided to stick with it. After deciding on wavy hair I then had to decide on which wavy curl lol. There's a lotttt to choose from smh. A while ago my sister had Freetress Appeal and I loved it on her so I just went with that. As far as the color went, I thought #2 was too dark and #4 was too light so we blended them together. And I loveddddd the results! Oh did I mention that the hair is 24 inches? Yeah...we only did a bit of trimming because I couldn't let go of the length...or the volume. We used almost 4 packs, which is probably too much hair. But ask me how much I care! Not one bit. Nope. I loooove my hair. Maybe just a bit too much...

This look is verrrry different from anything I've ever done with my hair. It was a bit to get used to at first but I got over that quick. I was afraid that I would look like one of those weaved up chicks with way too much hair on their heads, walking around thinking they are cute, when in reality, they look like a hot mess. That fear subsided quickly. I'm feeling good so I. Don't. Care.

This hair probably won't last as long as my curlier crochet braids since it's easier for this curl to get flat. When it gets old I will be putting it in a bun, a big braid, any other style I could think of and cutting it shorter. Hopefully this can last at least 3 weeks. We'll see :)