2 Years Natural!!!

This week makes it 2 years since my BC...wow how time flies!

Here's a picture of me the day after my BC. That was my first twistout and has been my go-to style ever since lol.

I remember that I was sooo in love with my hair when I cut it and that definitely has not changed since then. I do however feel as though I've been limiting myself when it comes to how I style and take care of my hair sooo here's a list of improvements I want to make:
1. Find new products
2. Try new styles
3. Take more pictures
4. Retain length
5. Healthy hair is sexy hair :)

I'm far from being a hair blog but I just might start documenting my adventures here. I mean hey, why not? This is my damn blog anyway lol

Here's a picture of me today. I just took out my crochet braids after having them for 6 weeks and boy did I miss my hair! It's just a simple twistout, my favorite of course lol.

 Its a little dark but hey, you get the picture lol.

Pissed at Myself

I just got an email from my professor that woke me the hell up. What the fuck have I been doing? SMH

When did I lose pride in receiving good grades? When did "good enough" become good enough?
I could do so much more if I actually put effort into it smh
Somewhere along my journey I got lost.

I haven't been giving my best performance. I haven't been focused. At all. I'm seriously in my own damn way...

 

Random Pics

I wasted some time today procrastinating and decided to take some more pics of my new cut. I could have been doing 14683747878 different things other than this but whatever...
Here's me playing around with Photobooth.

This is very random but I'm not all that good at sticking out my tongue lmaoo. I don't like being silly so I guess I suck at trying lol.

Almost 5 weeks and these crochet braids are holding up pretty good. But I have to admit, I miss my hair! I'll probably take these out this weekend and let my hair breathe for a week before I have my sister do it over. I'll probably try out the water wave curl pattern next, either this one or this one. We'll see lol.

Reasons Why I Suck

So the other day I had a meeting with one of my professors to discuss some issues I was having with my group members. Towards the end of the discussion she told me that she saw that I was bright and had so much potential and instead of giving my best I choose to give a subpar performance. I get by being a B student without trying but if I would actually put in effort I would be an A student. She completely read me! All I could do was nod and agree because she was dead on...creepy! lmaoo It's crazy cuz I have had a few people tell me that they saw so much potential in me, that I'm brilliant and smart and all that and I just shrug it off. When the truth is they are all right. I've been giving the minimum amount of work required to pass and somehow I end up with As and Bs. Its not like I'm bragging, trust me I definitely am not. As a matter of fact this is the opposite. There isn't anything cute about not living up to your potential, getting  by by giving shitty performances. Imagine how great I would be if I actually tried...

Also, this semester I have been soooo off. Not committed at all. Not devoted. I don't know where my head has been but it hasn't been here at New Paltz. I've been fucking up all around smh. And I honestly don't have an excuse other than the fact that my focus is off and my head wasn't in it. I'm kinda scared to see what my grades are gonna be.

But anyway, I'm gonna have to take this summer to refocus, regroup and reevaluate how I'm running my life. Obviously, its not in a fulfilling manner so I need to reassess and rework shit out. I'm up for the challenge though. I can't continue to live like this. Unhappy, watching life pass me by, not being in full control like I can be. Like I said before, guess I'm just a work in progress...

Crochet Braids: 1 Month

I've had my crochet braids in for a month now and I'm still in love. I haven't had many issues with it either. The biggest problems are that the hair has gotten a bit dull and the more my hair grows the more you can see that it doesn't match. As far as the lack of sheen, I honestly don't know what to do to make it better...I've kinda given up. Plus I had a weekend of nonstop partying about 3 weeks ago and my hair has never been the same since. As far as the colors not matching, I knew that from the beginning and I don't really care. If you're close enough to me to be all up in my scalp back the fuck up! lmaoo. Anywayyy last night I decided to cut my hair. I did it for a couple of reasons. The ends have gotten a bit raggedy and the hair has flattened out a bit. Since I can't add any extra hair I figured cutting into a layered style would help make it look fuller. Plus I'm only keeping these in for one more week so what's a little snip snip gonna hurt? lol

I'm quite pleased with the look ♥

Complaining is a waste of time

5.2.11

I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a man in my space. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be embraced. Regular shit like hugs, kisses, sitting next to a man. What the fuck…..ugh I feel so alone sometimes and I swear no one understands. While I know that this is not true, others feel like I do also. I just feel so hopelessly alone sometimes. I don’t know how to connect to people. I don’t know how to let people know that I care. I don’t know how to allow new people into my life. I feel like I push people away. I know that I have plenty of good qualities but sometimes I swear my bitchy moodiness is gonna make all my friends run away. Oh and a man? Please. That won’t even ever fucking happen because I’m not welcoming or friendly. Well, that’s a lie. I am. When I feel like it. But not randomly. I walk around looking angry and upset and who wants to talk to that? No fucking one, maybe a crazy fool. Ughhh I’m soo damn tired of writing about the same shit over and over again. Like seriously. It’s a problem that I have the power to fix and yet what am I doing? Sitting here fucking complaining.

Disappointment

I fucked up.
I fucked up horribly.
Again.
What the fuck is wrong with me!?!?
If I fuck up and disappoint myself I don't care.
But when I disappoint others...it hurts.


I'm reliable.
I'm a good worker.
So why am I not acting like it?
Where is my focus? My drive?
What the hell am I doing to myself?

I'm sorry.
More for me than for you.
But please don't hold it against me.
I promise that's not the real me.
I don't know where I am right now.
I've been lost...

Dear Daddy

Losing you made me hard.

Mad at the world

Too angry to feel, or want to feel.

Too scared to get close to people.

Maybe I’m too angry for my own damn good

Maybe I’m just scared

Scared that if I let you know I like you you’ll fail me

Scared that if we get close you’ll fuck up

or I’ll fuck up

Maybe I’m too blunt for my own good

Maybe I’m too fucking antisocial

Maybe I’m scared of people because if I get close enough you can see right through me

I don’t like being vulnerable cuz then what?

You see the real me and then what?

You won’t want me anymore

You’ll see that I’m this complex being that just seems to be angry but really isn’t

You’ll see this pessimistic person that inside is hopelessly optimistic

You’ll see this hardened girl too scared to feel

Maybe I’ve never grown, maybe I’m still stuck

Still stuck in the past

But that’s over and done with so what am I really doing?

Keeping myself stuck here

I’m not moving because of me and no one else

I was too scared to say anything so I just let you slip away. Silly me.

Sometimes I wish I could separate myself from myself

From others

From this world

Just run away

Fly away

Take off

I don’t want to be here

Sometimes I feel completely misunderstood. The more I talk, the less I think people understand. Sometimes I wish I could disappear. And just let people go on without my existence. I wonder if it would make a difference. I’d like to think so but a part of me feels otherwise. It seems like I never am heard completely. Words leave my mouth but fall before they reach the ears of others. No one knows. I see and feel so much its hard to describe, I try to keep it to myself but it ends up falling out of my mouth. But I’m still misunderstood. So I cry. No one knows. Yes I know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I’m not alone in feeling alone.

February 2011

I need to get my confidence back.

It appears as though it has abandoned me.

Or maybe I have abandoned it.

Or maybe we were never friends.

Perhaps we’ve lost touch.

We need to reunite.

I can’t live like this.

I don't like liking people. The end.

OMG Shatera, I thought you were natural, why do you keep getting weaves???

Ok, so no one has said this to me but I feel like someone just might. First off, I loooove my natural hair. I will never get another relaxer and I'm completely in love with my beautiful curls/coils. But since I recently cut my hair I wanted to have it rest for a while. I knew by the end of the semester I wouldn't be too motivated to do much so a protective style was the best option for me. I don't get weaves because I don't like my hair or I can't manage it. It's quite the opposite, I just want to leave it alone for a while and let it be. Also, the styles I choose are curly or wavy and natural looking. I refuse to ever get a straight weave because that would be boring for one and for two, after I stopped relaxing, I refused to ever have to comb my hair again. Plus curly hair suits me much better :)

As I stated before, my hair doesn't define who I am. I love being natural, that won't ever change. But that doesn't mean that I have to limit myself when it comes to hair options. There's absolutely nothing wrong with switching it up every once in a while.

Crochet Braids

Soooo I have a new hairstyle, and I'm loving it!
Take a looksee then I'll explain :)

It's been 2 weeks since I got my hair done and I just realized I have yet to share it. I think its safe to say that crochet braids (or crochet weave, whatever you wanna call it lol) will be my new favorite protective style/hair augmentation. Yes, I just said "hair augmentation," it sounds better than weave lmaooo. Anyway, I'm too lazy to explain so here is one of the many, and I mean MANY (Youtube is so addictive lol) tutorials that I have come across during my research.



It's a pretty simple process. I had my mother braid my hair into cornrows then my lovely sister hooked the hair onto them. Since we did it over the course of 2 days with many breaks, I have no idea how long it really took. But honestly, the amount of time  it took was the only inconvenience. And I didn't even mind that, we watched movies and hung out, so it wasn't that bad.

I may not look excited but trust me, the excitement is there lol

Why I love crochet braids:

• They are lightweight and they aren't weighing me down. I can barely feel anything and I love that.
• They are inexpensive. Since it is braiding hair, it's cheaper than weave. Plus the hair is cut in half which makes the style completely possible with only 2 packs. I used Freetress Bulk Bohemian 20 inch at $5.99 a pack. So I basically got my hair done for $14, including the $2 I spent on the latch hook.
• It's a natural look, well, depending on the type of hair you get. Since I chose a color that was a bit lighter than my hair, you can see a slight difference but it doesn't bother me. I honestly don't care. (My hair matches well with #2 hair but I bought #4 and 4/30 because I wanted to go lighter).
• My scalp is free! I can oil my scalp with ease and choose a different way of placing my hair everyday if I choose.
• It's extremely simple. All you need is some braiding hair, a latch hook and patience to do it (or a patient person to do it for you lol).
• It's a great protective style. My hair is resting in cornrows and the added hair doesn't create any tension or stress. Plus its very low maintenance.
• It's big! I love big, curly hair. It suits me well...can't wait till my hair gets this long :)

 

I'm in love :)

I've Got the End Of Semester Blues

The end of the semester is approaching and my workload is steadily rising. I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. While this is a normal occurrence for this time of the year, right now I'm not dealing with it too well. I should be writing papers and making presentations but instead I'm purposely avoiding all of it. I'm sitting here with all my documents open, staring at my "Shit To Do" list and feeling completely unmotivated. I know that I'm completely capable of completing all of my assignments in a timely fashion, but am I? No. I get to the same point at the end of every semester and its sooo not helpful. I need to find some motivation and get to work...

...because sitting around looking like this isn't helping a damn thing. Ughhh