Disappointment

I fucked up.
I fucked up horribly.
Again.
What the fuck is wrong with me!?!?
If I fuck up and disappoint myself I don't care.
But when I disappoint others...it hurts.


I'm reliable.
I'm a good worker.
So why am I not acting like it?
Where is my focus? My drive?
What the hell am I doing to myself?

I'm sorry.
More for me than for you.
But please don't hold it against me.
I promise that's not the real me.
I don't know where I am right now.
I've been lost...