February 27, 2013


Last night I had a dream that I was talking to some people and out of nowhere I just started screaming. I let out a couple of loud, angry screams. It was so random, I frightened the people I was talking to. I woke up feeling confused, I wasn't sure if I had done it in real life or not. When I realized that it was just a dream, I wished that it wasn't. I've been this weird combination of sad and angry these past few days. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm restless, then I'm lethargic. Most of the time I'm just tired of being. Not in a suicidal way, in a "What the FUCK am I doing with myself" way. I just feel so damn purposeless.

Some days all I want to do is run away from home. I wish I could just pick up and leave...go somewhere else and be a someone else. Usually, halfway through this fantasy I realize that thinking like that is a waste of time. Instead of wanting to escape, I need to make my life better. Running away won't help. It's just that sometimes I get so fed up with my life and how things are going. And fixing it seems so damn hard. I'm so unhappy right now. But sitting around sad and angry doesn't solve a damn thing. I need to take action. Soon. I can't keep on this way. I just can't.

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