April 8, 2011

Pinched Face Lady

On my search for natural remedies for my constant fight with acne I came across Crunchy Betty's blog. I instantly fell in love...I spent about 2 1/2 hours reading through the old posts. I was quite amazed with all the homemade recipes for skin/hair/hygiene there are, but that's not the focus of this blog (I'll revisit this soon though, I've made a few changes in my skincare in the past month). I came across a random post entitled Pinched Face Lady and while reading it i got a bit upset. I was forced to look at myself and how and why I choose to do the things I do. I didn't like what I saw. The story behind Crunchy Betty's blog was that a woman was asked to ride a bus in Aspen but opted out because she refused to ever ride on a bus. While wearing a fur and acting uppity, the other tourists carried on and enjoyed themselves while she stayed behind, alone. Because she held on to her convictions she missed out on what could've been a great experience.

While I am definitely not a snob, I do hold on to my convictions a bit too tight. I'll happily support someone else in their crazy experiences but I don't join in, just watch. lately I've been trying to change how I look at things and stop looking in from the outside and  actually do shit. I literally have to stop myself and say "Shatera, what the fuck is wrong with you? Just do it. What's the worst that can happen?" I briefly think of any negative outcome and say "fuck it," if I make an ass of myself the only opinion that matters is mine and it won't be a big deal if I don't make it one. While I am not interested in making a fool of myself, sometimes its necessary. And if I don't allow myself to fuck up, how will I ever learn or actually live? I recently touched on this topic but its obviously a recurring theme in my life lol.

I've been trying. Last month I went to Johnny Utah's and rode the mechanical bull. Which was completely out of my comfort zone. But I sucked it up and did it. And you know what? I enjoyed it. I'll do it again. It may not seem like a big deal, but for me oh yeah you better believe it was a struggle. How sad. Its cool though. I'm growing, one experience at a time.

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