Can You Keep A Secret?

Well I hope so, I'm about to say something that I don't usually own up to.

I like mushy romantic shit. But shhhh its a secret...

Whenever a mushy, romantic, disgustingly sweet thing happens my initial reaction is to saw EWW and immediately denounce ever liking anything like that. It may seem like I hate romance, but I'm starting to think  this is not the case. Its not that I don't like romance, its that I don't know what to do with it. I'm used to being the considerate person. Most times, I go out of my way to think of others in an attempt to be considerate in the way that I would like for others to think of me. But when someone thinks of me too much, I don't know what to do with that feeling. I think if a man wrote me a song, or came up with some extravagant plans I would reject it, not because I don't like the idea of those things, I just don't feel comfortable having someone care that damn much. I know this sounds like a bunch of nonsense but somehow it makes sense to me lol. To be brutally honest, if a man did something extra, extra romantic, my initial reaction would be to cry. I'm not used to people caring that much. Which is sad but I honestly don't expect anyone to give a shit about me and that's how I live my life. I generally go on about my life not expecting beautiful things to happen to me. And when they do I'm so taken aback all I can do is reject the idea of it altogether, or cry. Its just too much for me. Which is probably why I cried last month when my sister surprised me with a Valentine's day card that made me cry.


Its interesting that I react so horrible to romantic things because when it comes to love songs I'm completely the opposite. I love being able to tap into the artist's raw emotions and feeeel them come through in the music. Its one of the best feelings ever. When I listen to 'Aint Nothing But Love' by Vivian Green or 'Believe' by Raheem DeVaughn (Which are my two favorite songs IN LIFE) I close my eyes and oooooh, I'm somewhere else. The truth is, I want a love like that. Since I don't have it and never had it, I don't quite know how to make sense of mushy shit. So I just avoid it altogether because I can't relate.

Here's one of my favorite mushy love songs. Spend My Life With You - Eric Benet ft. Tamia. This song always makes me smile :)



I guess it's not a secret anymore, huh?