Alone

2:24 AM    2.11.11

I don't feel alone because I'm single. Actually that's not even on my priority list. The main reason I feel alone is because I feel as though no one understands me. Even those closest to me actually have no clue about how I truly feel. Its as if no one can even understand my essence. I know that I can be to blame for this as well. I'm very much antisocial. While I enjoy the company of others, most of the time I close myself off from people and the world. Perhaps its because I feel as though no one would understand me even if they tried.
Also, there is so much about me I love while there are plenty of things that need to be changed. Lately when I look at pictures of me, I no longer recognize that person in the picture. What the fuck is going on with me? And I don't just mean my appearance. Yes I need to lose weight, would like better skin and shit like that but that's not what I mean. I no longer see the least bit of a glimpse of happiness within myself. Usually I just go with the motions and live my life like that but lately this has become unsuccessful. Things cant continue this way. I need not complain about being single or being unhappy - that's no longer an issue. I need to improve myself inside and out. This will be my new main focus. I can't continue living like this. The only problem is that I lack motivation. I have to change the way I think before I even try to change the things I do.