I feel stuck.
Sometimes I think if my environment changes, so will my attitude. But no matter what my environment is, I always seem to feel the same way. The thing is, I need to change me before I can feel better about anything. I need to change the way I feel about myself - how I feel about me & how I percieve me. Because if that doesn't change, it doesn't matter what my circumstances are. I need to feel better about myself because honestly, I can't remember the last time I did.
I, admittedly, have a horrible lack of ambition and drive. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm only slightly worried about that. Guess its because I have faith that things will work out. I don't have any particular goals right now other than graduating. After that...well, I plan on working...somewhere, doing something...not quite sure yet.
As far as my health, I know that I need to lose weight. Its not just an appearance thing but a health concern. I do not need to be this size. Its pretty fucking ridiculous. But in order for me to get in shape and get my shit together I need to get serious and fully commit. And I'm kinda scared to start because I don't think I will stick with it. I know it doesn't make much sense but I know me. I know how I start things and never finish. I don't want to do that, so I avoid it altogether. Horrible, I know.
You know what, I need to write down some of my goals. Maybe if I write shit down I'll be slightly more motivated. Writing things down makes them a bit more real. Hopefully things work out this time. We'll see...