October 25, 2010

Maybe I'm just a shitty friend.

Maybe you had a bad day, maybe you had a bad week. I don't know, I didn't get a chance to ask. When I'm tired, hungry and irritable, I know I don't have the best attitude. But you didn't really give me a chance...well I didn't give you a chance either. I don't even know what the fuck went down. It was a complete misunderstanding. But you wanna give up right?

I think I'm depressed. I've been crying every other day for no damn reason. I been having horrible insomnia...I avoid sleep because sleeping means another day has to start. Sometimes I go an entire day without eating, I just don't see the point. But then you ask me how I'm doing and I say I'm fine. I'm obviously lying but I won't allow the truth to come out. Why would I do that? You can't make me feel better. So why tell you? Why waste my time? I'll sit and listen to your problems and hope that maybe you would hint at caring a bit about how I'm feeling. Yeah I know, confusing right? I know I'm complex. I want you to take time out of your life and ask me how I'm doing and I'll refuse to give you an answer. But I want you to ask, I want you to care even if I can't share it with you. I need to know that you're genuinely concerned. Maybe I'm too demanding. No. Even as I type this I know that's not true. I don't ask for much. I know I can be a pain. I know I take a lot of energy to be around sometimes. But uhhh so can you....

You wanna ignore me, cool. I guess I've been transported back in time to a place when the people closest to me decided to just give up on me.

I guess history is repeating itself.

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