Forced Miserableness?

Someone I know just recently "celebrated" the birthday of a dead relative. Celebrated is in quotations because all this person did was drink and be miserable. Doesn't sound like much celebration to me. As a matter of fact, I'm lacking in understanding of how this "celebration" could possibly be healthy. Forcing yourself to be miserable in honor of a dead person doesn't make sense. That person is no longer here, and to me its pointless to act as if they were. Perhaps I'm being insensitive because everyone deals with things differently. My father died over 5 years ago and I've never been to his grave. Visiting graves is completely pointless to me. Some people do it because that is where the dead person's body is and that's their connection to them. For me, if I wanted to talk to my father, I would. I don't need to go to his grave because all that's there are his remains. Whats the point in talking to the decomposed version of a person, when their spirit is what's important? Also, the fact that the miserableness was brought on due to a birthday doesn't make much sense to me. I randomly miss my father throughout the year. His birthday comes around, it's just another day. If I make it into a big deal then I'm forcing myself to be sad and miss him. Why the hell would I do that?