They Don't Know, & They Shouldn't

They Don't Know - Jon B


This song is about not letting your friends get in your ear and talk negatively about your man, especially if you know yourself that your relationship is good. But while listening to it, I thought about the other side. About you telling your friends about your relationship. Whether you're complaining or giving him praises, it's none of your friends business. You never know who you can trust and I found that out the hard way a couple of years ago. I told my best friend all the good things about my ex. I told her the bad things too, but there weren't many of those. Long story short, my relationship ended with him and then my friendship ended with her. Their relationship began shortly after. I foolishly thought she could never do something like that, of course she would never want my man.... When the reality was she liked him all along. Isn't that some crazy shit? I'm over the situation now, but at the time that shit hurt like hell. I have a bad habit of telling my business and I do that because it's my business to tell. But now I'm starting to think "Hmmm is that really their business?"

Conversation

A: Why are you still single?
B: There's nothing wrong with me being single.
A: Two years is a long time, don't you think something is wrong with that picture?
B: No but, perhaps there is something wrong with you constantly being in and out of relationships, and constantly seeking validation from the opposite sex.
A: I don't need a man to validate me.
B: Oh really? Just because he says so it does not mean you're beautiful, smart, or funny. You are those things because you know that from within.
A: So you don't want a man to tell you those things?
B: That's not what I said. Having someone to tell me those things would be nice. But since I know that about myself already, I won't have to give up something because I think I'm getting something from hearing it. See what I mean?


I wrote this sometime last week but never posted it because I didn't know where I was going with it. Last night in my Blacks in Film class, we watched Tyler Perry's play I Can Do Bad All By Myself and Madea made a point very similar to mine. Her 14 year old great granddaughter, Keisha was staying with her and had been complaining about being teased at school. But there was this one boy that told her she was pretty and payed her the attention she was lacking at home. They had sex once, she got pregnant. Madea's point was that if Keisha had been validated at home, she wouldn't feel the need to give the boy something for calling her pretty. Keisha would have already known that she was pretty and that she's worth more than that.

Touch Me, Tease Me, Feel Me and Caress Me

Yesterday I randomly came across an article on Yahoo Health called "Going Up! 7 Pointers to Lift a Bad Mood." Being that I recognize that I sometimes have bad mood swings and I have my bitch moments, out of curiosity I read the article. Nothing really stood out to me about the article, until I got to number 3 which stated, "Human touch increases the production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. Studies have found that patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. So give someone a hug and feel both of your moods improve." While reading this, a little light bulb went off in my head. I realized I don't get much affection. I'm lacking in just regular touching, hugging and shit like that. While at home the only affection I get is from my mother, which I love. She's the only one I can be all touchy feely with there. At school I molest my best friend on a regular basis...wait does that sound weird? Well if you know me, you know I have a thing for squeezing butts, among other things... Anyway, back to what I was saying. It's been a long time since I got affection on a regular basis. Maybe that's what I'm missing. Well at least part of what I'm missing anyway.....

Forced Miserableness?

Someone I know just recently "celebrated" the birthday of a dead relative. Celebrated is in quotations because all this person did was drink and be miserable. Doesn't sound like much celebration to me. As a matter of fact, I'm lacking in understanding of how this "celebration" could possibly be healthy. Forcing yourself to be miserable in honor of a dead person doesn't make sense. That person is no longer here, and to me its pointless to act as if they were. Perhaps I'm being insensitive because everyone deals with things differently. My father died over 5 years ago and I've never been to his grave. Visiting graves is completely pointless to me. Some people do it because that is where the dead person's body is and that's their connection to them. For me, if I wanted to talk to my father, I would. I don't need to go to his grave because all that's there are his remains. Whats the point in talking to the decomposed version of a person, when their spirit is what's important? Also, the fact that the miserableness was brought on due to a birthday doesn't make much sense to me. I randomly miss my father throughout the year. His birthday comes around, it's just another day. If I make it into a big deal then I'm forcing myself to be sad and miss him. Why the hell would I do that?

Keep Tryin'

I feel like this song was written just for me. Don't you just love songs like that? When the lyrics connect directly to you? It's one of my favorite things about music ♥



Lyrics

Verse 1:
You've been
Missing
Out on all the chances you've been given
Is it something
Within
Holding you back instead of living
Your day is coming though it seems far
Things will be clear when you love who you are
Nothing can stop you as long as you listen to your heart

Chorus:
Lift your head to the sky
And keep trying
Believe in you
And it will take you higher

Verse 2:
You have
Sorrows
Everywhere you turn they seem to follow
If you
Let go
Happiness will come to you tomorrow
Your day is coming though it seems far
Things will be clear when you love who you are
Nothing can stop you as long as you listen to your heart

Chorus

Just Some Thoughts

So today I realized a few things...

1. My friend said that I'm not a bitch, I just don't take bullshit from anyone. That's quite a nice way to put it. I honestly can say I've been through some shit in my life so in a way, my no-nonsense attitude came about from me shielding myself.

2. I'm letting life pass me by. Not a good look. I can't do this anymore...time for change. SERIOUSLY.

3. I blog about myself A LOT. I don't think my topics are all that interesting. I mean who wants to read about me discovering myself? No one cares that damn much lmaoo. So maybe I'll switch to commenting on current events. Problem is, I don't really care that much lol. I like writing about me...its therapeutic. So I don't really care if anyone reads it...nevermind on that one lol

Fuck Shotgun!

Life is truly what you make it. If that's the case, I have my work cut out for me. I'm tired of being in the passenger's seat....I need to take the wheel. Fuck shotgun, give me the keys!

Mean Angry Bitch...Who Me???

It's 4 AM and I can't sleep. Other than the fact that my sleeping patterns have been messed up because of vacation, I just can't sleep. My mind is racing....I can't stop thinking. So I decided to write, hopefully it'll help.

I feel like I'm in constant search of self, which can be both good and bad simultaneously. It's good because learning about yourself leads to growth; its bad because I don't like some of the things I'm discovering. But the negative can turn into a positive because if I see what I don't like, I can change it.

Recently I've been told numerous times that I'm either mean, angry, a bitch or a combination of all three. I can't really get mad at these statements, I understand why they were said. What upsets me is that if that's all that people see, then they're not getting the real me. Of course I have bitch moments but I don't think that makes me a bitch :-/. Maybe I just come off too hard. My usual response to that is, "if you can't handle being around me then maybe you shouldn't bother." But I'm starting to think I'll just end up alone because who wants to tolerate a mean, angry bitch? I know I wouldn't want to, so why should I expect others to? Hopefully my other qualities outweigh my occasional bitch moments. Maybe what I need to be doing is figuring out why it is I act this way....

I Need A You

I can sooo relate to this song. Letoya got it so right on this one...




I have been single for over 2 years now. To be honest, it's kinda fucking with me.

I don't need a you, I'd just like to have a boo or a homie or something. Someone that's interested in getting to know me. Someone intriguing that I can hold a conversation with, and chill with. That's all. Not asking for much....