"Good Hair"

Last night I watched an episode of the Tyra Show and it was about "Good Hair." First off, I'd like to say I can't stand that term. What the hell is good hair? Straight, wavy, shiny, bouncy, but oh no not "nappy." Cuz of course nappy hair can't possibly be beautiful - this is what troubles me. From a young age we're told that nappy hair isn't attractive and straight hair is easier to manage and more accepted in society. But this is not the truth. I feel like Black women have some of the most beautiful hair. I'm not knocking straight hair, but why should someone change the texture of their hair into something that is completely unnatural to them just for it to be considered attractive?

When I was 10 I got my first relaxer and I'll admit that I was excited about it. It wasn't my choice but I didn't really oppose it. But after relaxing my hair for all that time I've realized that it is not healthy for my hair at all. Why should I have to chemically alter my hair anyway? My natural hair is beautiful, it has personality meanwhile my straight hair is boring, limp and blah. I had to keep doing something to it to keep it interesting - which led to damage. But anyway, enough about me, back to Tyra.

On the show there were a few mothers and their children. One mother has a 3 year old daughter and she straightens her hair, not with heat, but chemically. Yes she relaxes her 3 year old's hair. WTF? She claims that it is easier to handle, it looks better and her daughter likes it. I think this is outrageous. Relaxing hair should not even be an option at that young age. It can't possibly be that hard to do her hair, I'm sorry. What ever happened to learning how to deal with our natural hair the correct way instead of being able to run a damn comb through it? Who said we're supposed to be using combs in our hair anyway? Being a part of this society is seriously fucking up how we see things and what we consider beautiful and acceptable. It pisses me off.

There was another mother, she's white and she has an 8 year old biracial daughter. She relaxes her hair and puts a weave in it. Yes a damn weave for an 8 year old!! Honestly, I don't even like seeing little girls with extensions, I don't feel it is necessary. But everyone is looking for an easy way out when the reality is that this is gonna mess up our children. Another woman intentionally had a child with a man outside her race so that she wouldn't have "nappy hair." She also attributes nappy hair with low class. WTF is this bullshit? So if my hair is kinky that means I'm low class? Really?

Some people claim that we straighten our hair because of self hatred. I feel it has more to do with conforming and confusion about beauty. Back in slavery times it was more beneficial to have straight hair and having kinky hair was looked down upon. This has manifested itself in our society today. After being told that our hair is unattractive for so long, we bring it on ourselves now - we don't even need outside influences telling us so.

Basically, whatever you choose to do to your hair is your business. I just wish people were more educated and open minded on the topic. The influence of our older generations and media truly has a hold on Black women and I can't stand it. If you wanna straighten your hair, wear a weave, rock it natural - whatever - its a personal choice. All I know is that I feel like I'm making a great decision by going natural. I'll finally meet the real me, minus the chemicals and bullshit.

Summer Fun

Ok so my first year of college is over. A lot of people are writing their memories, the things they've learned and all that good stuff. So I considered doing the same. But then I thought, EWWW NOPE! So I won't do that corny shit, but what I will do is say that this year was ok to me. Not spectacular, not wonderful, not even all that stressful actually - just a different experience for me. The best part was meeting new people and making friends. I enjoyed programs, parties, and classes blah blah blah. Ok enough of that mushy shit......

The summer has began and I have a feeling that this summer will be quite an experience for me. Other than having my first job, it's the summer activities that are exciting to me. The beautiful weather, late night trips to the beach, parties and all that summery stuff is looking good. Plus a few other things that I don't wanna mention because it will incriminate me later on lmao. Yeah, I plan on enjoying myself this summer, on more than one level. I deserve it don't I? I mean hey I am on the Dean's list for the second semester in a row :D I think I deserve to pop bottles...of apple juice of course ;-) hahaha

Yeah I'm Weird, So What?

I'm weird and I know it. I don't really give a fuck actually. While everyone is so busy being "normal" and trying to fit in I'm living my life being "weird." But I know what I am and I don't care if you don't like it. You can go ahead and drown in your insecurities while I breathe in the fresh air of weirdness. If being weird means that you know who you are and refuse to give in to the norms then fuck it, I'm weird!
Shit, being normal is weird. Who the hell is normal anymore anyway? That's boring. LMFAOOO
I love me and all my weirdness. I'm unique and I'm pretty fucking sure you wont ever find another like me anywhere - on some real shit.

OK my ramble is over lol.

Relationship Bullshit

I wish people would stop watching TV and listening to songs to define love and guide their relationships. These actions and phrases associated with love make me sick. If you love someone you're supposed to do this, your supposed to say this. EWW, go sit down somewhere with that shit. Ugh it bothers me. Why should there be a set of rules and guidelines? Bump that, I want something that is real. Fuck what everyone says you're supposed to do, that's corny and boring lol. And what's up with all these people fucking so soon? The influence of media is fucking up peoples perception of what they're supposed to be doing in relationships.
"Well we've been together 2 weeks so let's fuck!"
"Hmm I think we should be fucking now, don't you think?"
"He says he loves me so I'm gonna give him some tonight"
STUPID.
REALLY STUPID.

Fuck TV
Live your life according to your own feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.


OK, I'm done with my rant.

1000 Views

Wow, I have exactly 1000 views right now on my Myspace blog. I don't know if that's a lot to other people but that's a lot to me lol. Well anyway, that made me think. I write because I like to and because it's therapeutic. But it helps to have other people read what I write. It's kinda reassuring to me to know that someone is reading what I wrote, even when its personal and I question whether or not I should've even wrote it.

That's really all I have to say lol.

Youngin'

I'm 19, which is pretty damn young. There's no need for me to keep stressing about being single. But then again its not me being single, its me being alone. I know I'm not alone because I have friends and family that I know love me. So I think the problem is the physical aspect of it. NOT SEXUAL, physical. Having somebody physically there to see, touch, talk, and all that shit. Idk, I don't think I'm lonely, I just think I need someone to share with. Idk, I'm still a baby so I aint stressing it. I just can't help but miss having someone around. Plus I know I may come off hard or weird to some people but I'm really harmless. I wish people would see that...but then again maybe its me thats putting out that image. I can't help the fact that I walk around looking like the world is about to end. I just don't know how to change that. Wait, lemme stop there. There's the problem. But how the hell am I supposed to randomly start looking approachable? If I walk around smiling people are gonna think I'm crazy or something. I just dont know....

But I am sick of talking about my lack of love life...maybe it's just on my mind. But why? A relationship cannot and will not validate me. I know this already...it'd just be nice to be seen in that way. To have someone to want to be around me. Saying this makes me a lil sad actually. Cuz I have people that want to be around me - my family and friends. And I seriously appreciate that. But I want something that they can't give me. I want to be appreciated in a different way. Damn, this sounds like a a quest for validation. I don't like it, thats not me. I don't like being vulnerable, soooo not a good look lol.
Unfortunately....I'll be back on this topic later lol

First Day

So here's a video that I took part in a few months ago. A good friend of mine, Vixon is really into filming and all that good stuff and he asked me to be in one of his films. Very early on in my first semester of college having someone to ask me to be in a film was scary as hell! I'm pretty damn shy and acting is wayyyy out of my comfort zone. Luckily, its a silent film lol. But anyway...

Seeing myself on film is scary to me and I realized that how I see myself and how I actually look are two totally different things lol. Stepping out of my comfort zone was a good thing though, I feel like I need to do that more often. It's so easy getting stuck in the same ole thing doing the same shit over and over. It gets boring and you never learn or grow as a person. But I'm glad that I did this, as scary and hard as it was...it really helped me grow as a person. Plus...it confirmed that I look pretty damn good! LMFAO I'm not conceited - being conceited is a form of low self esteem. But being gorgeous and knowing it is harmless, I don't run around telling people, I just know it. Like I said before, everyone is beautiful and I truly mean that.

But anyway, the premise of the film is that it is a girl's first day of college. She can't sleep the night before because she's so anxious. When she does wake up, she takes too long getting ready and is late for class. So she runs across campus to get to class and when she gets there she is relieved and reassured. Check it out - First Day - Directed By Video Vix[o]n

First Day from Video Vix[o]n on Vimeo.

I'm Gorgeous Dammit!

Soooo I'm looking at my pictures on facebook and they range as far back as 2004 and I realize something. I'm gorgeous! Actually, it wasn't a realization it was more of a recognition. Now I don't wanna sound conceited or nothing but isn't this a good thing? A lot of people have low self esteem and can't seem to appreciate their own beauty. I feel like everyone is beautiful in their own way. It may be a lil corny, but its true. I'm sick of people talking about how unhappy they are because of their appearance.

Maybe I feel this way cuz I wasn't really teased, even though I was a fat little girl lol. The most I was teased about was my nose (yes its big but so fucking what!) and my breasts (which are big too lol). These things were not an issue for me. My nose is big but it is the same nose that my father and grandmother had. They're no longer here with me and this big ass nose on my face is a constant reminder and connection from me to them. I'm proud to have this big ass nose! Oh yeah and my boobies...well that's self explanatory lmao. I had big breasts since like 12 and boys used to tease me and say "Got Milk," but I took it as a compliment lmao. Anyway...back to what I was saying about my gorgeousness.

There isn't anything wrong with recognizing your own beauty. I recommend looking in the mirror butt ass naked, flaws and all and saying "I Love You." I don't care how big, small, tall short - whatever! There is always something to love. Always. I see the most small and insignificant thing and find beauty in it.