January 7, 2011

Love songs make me sick.

I wrote this over a month ago and never posted it. I thought it was too personal. I usually don't like writing sappy shit. Right now I don't give a fuck.

Love songs make me sick.
Maybe I am bitter. Maybe I am unhappy. Maybe I want someone in my life. Maybe I ignore this ache and pretend its not there. But its there. But I'm lonely. But I have no one. But I still feel this way...

I wish it was easy for me to find people like I see everyone else do. But I don't wanna waste time so I don't mind waiting. But this wait is lasting longer than expected. 3 yrs and counting...

Sometimes I sit and wonder if I'll ever know how it feels to be close to someone again. Will I ever feel his skin, hear his voice, feel his touch, hear his laugh, see his smile, hear him breathe next to me as he sleeps?

I just want a little bit. I promise I won't be difficult. All I wanna do is try to make someone else happy. I want to walk into a room and be the reason why he's smiling. I want to be the thing he looks forward to all day. His stress reliever. How he ends his day and relaxes. His comforter. I wanna take away his negativity and replace it with my love. But maybe that's too much. Its too much to want to find a man deserving of all of me.

Maybe it is too much to ask, because I want all of that in return. I want to smile at just the thought of him. I wanna look forward to seeing him, because he is what brightens up my day. I want it all. Am I not worthy? Am I not deserving? Of course I am. So where is he? I'm waiting.

I'm drowning, come save me.

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