December 12, 2011

Running My Mouth

I've waited too long to make a move. I've talked about it too much to too many people. Now everyone is in my ear telling me what I need to do. I'm not even sure if I want it anymore. There's just too much surrounding it now. Everyone pressuring me to make a move just makes me what to do the opposite. But I've made it this way. So what am I to do? Nothing. As usual.

A very big part of who I am is being able to talk about what is bothering me. If something is on my mind I need to discuss it or I might go crazy. I spent the majority of my life holding everything in. EVERYTHING! And I would have these random ass tantrums when everything finally hit the surface and I reached my breaking point. NOT HEALTHY! So after my father died I decided no to hold everything in anymore. I realized that it was ok to feel however I was feeling and try to express it out loud. Now of course I have my moments when I over express myself, when its unwanted and unnecessary. But I'm working on that...Anyway, back to what I was saying - I think I went from never wanting to say how I felt to talking too damn much. And now I don't know what to do :(

Well, other than shut the hell up of course smh

Seriously though, if I'm not going to do anything about how I feel, what's the point of me talking about it all the damn time? I might as well just keep it to myself. It's a bit late for that now though *heavy sigh*

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