July 20, 2011

Feeling Like Blahh

Lately I have been feeling so depressed and useless. I lay around the house watching TV or playing around on the computer. After an unsuccessful job search, I stopped looking weeks ago so now I just mope around the house like a loser. I've become a recluse, I rarely ever even go outside. Being a hermit is pretty damn depressing. But since I have so much time alone, doing a bunch of nothing, I have time to think and I realized that I'm not using my power in this situation. No I didn't find a job for the summer. I didn't start working out like I had planned. I barely even get fresh air. But I'm alive. I have food and shelter and people that care about me. I'm only miserable because I'm not allowing myself to see anything positive right now. Sometimes I fail to realize that my happiness is up to me. Regardless of my circumstances, I still have that power.

I may not be working right now but that doesn't mean that I can't be useful. I can still fill up my time reading and writing. I haven't been inspired to write anything lately and that can be attributed to that fact that I haven't read anything good in a while. I haven't started anything physical but I have ample time during the day to get up off my ass and do something. Shit I can get up and dance for 25 minutes, that's better than nothing. I can be doing housework or work on fixing up my room (which has become a dumping ground for random shit since I started college smh). The list goes on. But instead I just sit around, making myself feel even more useless.

I feel like a bum because I'm not working but everyone keeps saying "Oh you work so hard during the semester, its ok if you sit around and do nothing for a while." I couldn't disagree more.  If I supposedly work so hard during the semester then getting a break is perfectly justified. But for 3 entire months? No. I guess I can just take this summer as a blessing because come next May when I'll have to enter the real world, when will I get another chance to lay around and do nothing for 3 months? Unless I'm sick or on maternity leave, I just don't see this ever happening again. I guess I should just take advantage of it. Somehow...

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