March 16, 2010


It's hard for me to admit to myself that I'm lonely. There's nothing wrong with having that feeling but once I admit it, that means its real. I don't want this feeling to be real. I wanna continue to avoid it. But where does that lead me? At the end of the day I'm still alone. I make it seem like I'm some wonder woman numb to feelings and pain. The reality is I never allow myself to own up to my feelings. But that doesn't mean I don't have those feelings, I just neglect to recognize and accept them. Just writing this in and of itself is very difficult for me. Being vulnerable is something I don't like because it can lead to people taking advantage.

I miss him, wait no I don't. I miss the idea of having a him. Just having a guy around that's interested in spending time with me or getting to know me. I'm lacking that right now. Seriously...

But at least I haven't given into the opportunities that have presented themselves to me. I don't allow this void of mine to be filled by undeserving men. Men that belong to other women, men that can't keep their dicks in their pants, and men that I know for damn sure have nothing to offer me all have wanted my attention. But I'll just wait for the right opportunity. No point in wasting my time and energy on guys that can't give it back to me. Only issue with that is, I'm still alone so what the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Ugh I'm tired of always coming back to this. I'm done.

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