Blog Hiatus

I'm taking a break from writing blogs. I've come to the point where it has become pointless. Yeah I like writing about how I feel but it seems as though the purpose has been lost. When I'm feeling better about life and have more to write about other than negativity maybe I'll return. There's nothing interesting about me continuously writing the same story over but just in different words. I have nothing to say anymore. So I'd rather just stop altogether....for now anyway.

Blabbermouth

I need to stop trusting people with my business. When I'm around my close friends I let loose and say whatever the hell comes to mind, which is usually reckless lol. But I take comfort in being able to be myself and say how I feel, what I think, and talk about my experiences. But now I'm learning this is not such a good idea. I guess since I'm so open and free about my shit, now people think they can be with my info as well. This is not the case. Some people fail to realize that what you tell them is between you and them, no one else. I can explicitly say, "don't tell anyone" and yet miraculously there is a misunderstanding and my business is put out there? WTF? Granted, no one really gives a shit about what goes on in my life cuz I pretty much keep to myself. But that is not the point, privileged information should not be shared, ever.

Maybe I should just be more careful who I trust. Even the people closest to me.

Oh How I Wish It Would Rain

They tell me it never rains in Southern California but what the fuck does that have to do with me? No rain, no wetness...DROUGHT. That's what I feel like I'm in right now. Traveling in the desert, having nothing to quench my thirst. Never having rain can seem nice if you think about continual sun...but how can life exist without water, our life force? It cannot. I wish it would rain. SOON.

Without

It's hard for me to admit to myself that I'm lonely. There's nothing wrong with having that feeling but once I admit it, that means its real. I don't want this feeling to be real. I wanna continue to avoid it. But where does that lead me? At the end of the day I'm still alone. I make it seem like I'm some wonder woman numb to feelings and pain. The reality is I never allow myself to own up to my feelings. But that doesn't mean I don't have those feelings, I just neglect to recognize and accept them. Just writing this in and of itself is very difficult for me. Being vulnerable is something I don't like because it can lead to people taking advantage.

I miss him, wait no I don't. I miss the idea of having a him. Just having a guy around that's interested in spending time with me or getting to know me. I'm lacking that right now. Seriously...

But at least I haven't given into the opportunities that have presented themselves to me. I don't allow this void of mine to be filled by undeserving men. Men that belong to other women, men that can't keep their dicks in their pants, and men that I know for damn sure have nothing to offer me all have wanted my attention. But I'll just wait for the right opportunity. No point in wasting my time and energy on guys that can't give it back to me. Only issue with that is, I'm still alone so what the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Ugh I'm tired of always coming back to this. I'm done.

I ♥ Music

Dwell Within Me

I close my eyes and I feel you
Nothing could inhabit me like you do
You fill me completely

You engulf me
Take all I have to give
I feel you completely

I allow you to take control
Give me what I’ve been missing
I lose space and time

An experience unparallel to anything else
Now all I can do is smile
Music, you soothe my soul