Yeah I'm Talking About Him Too...

Michael Jackson died. I didn't want to write about it because I don't like doing something that everyone and their Mama is doing. But I have a feeling what I have to say is quite different from others.... First off I'd like to make a disclaimer. It is not my intention to be disrespectful because yes this man is dead and yes he was an extremely influential person in more ways then one but.....I'm so tired of hearing about it!!! There I said it! I'm tired of seeing his videos and hearing everyone talking about it. Death is a part of life and his was very unexpected but he's dead, get over it. Was that too harsh? I don't wanna be mean but when other people die they talk about it a few days, I have a feeling this will be a topic for weeks. Now before I get attacked by MJ fans of course I have to recognize all the things this man has done (Well just a few, I don't feel like going through his whole life lol). -- the first black artist's video on MTV, crazy amount of albums sold, of course dancing, singing, lyrics, videos, philanthropy....on and on and on yes we all know this. So I do respect him for all that he has done ignoring all the many problems he had (He was so cute when he was black with a nose :-( too bad that changed).
It's kinda backwards for me to say I'm sick of it because I understand it completely. People were truly touched by him, I'm just not a crazy fan like that. Of course I love his music and videos too, I just wish the world would move on already. But I guess its too soon.

Maybe I am mean cuz I don't care that much. But then again, I don't see death like other people do. I guess witnessing two close people die at a young age can do that to you. No disrespect but lets move on please. Michael made beautiful music, was a great performer and the music he created is timeless and will live on forever - but I didn't know him personally. I know he has a family and if I were to care, it would be about them. But not the situation, it is what it is. People die everyday and leave behind their families. It is a part of life. Famous people are not exempt from that. The world won't stop spinning because he died. Now its time to go back to life, back to reality....

Influence vs. Encouragement

I saw one of my aunts last week and it was her first time seeing me since I cut off my straight hair. She said she liked it and it was nice but then she said "you went off to college, cut your hair and became Afrocentric." And to me this was really funny. I know that people go off to college and their families become scared that they'll come back doing some crazy stuff. My mother told me not to go off and come back home gay, and my other aunt told me not to dye my hair green. While I do understand their concern, its just funny to me. I guess what the real issue is that people go off to college and find themselves. Lack of the influence and distance from family plus the liberation that knowledge brings leads to self discovery.
Influence isn't really a positive word to me. I don't like to be influenced because to me that screams not knowing who you are. Instead of saying I was influenced, I'd like to say I was encouraged. I had been thinking about going natural for years. Not many people know this but I always knew I would go natural during college cuz to me its a great time for it. I've always loved seeing people with natural hair and yeah I had a perm but it wasn't my choice initially and then I just kept doing it just cuz. Anyway, I'm wiser now and loving my natural curls and coils way more than that limp shit I had on my head before. I'm glad that I went away and found all these beautiful women that were not afraid to have their hair natural. Seeing for myself just how beautiful natural hair is was my encouragement.

In Need of Something.....

I still don't have a job so what time I don't spend on applying to jobs I spend on a whole bunch of nothing. It's kinda backwards actually that I haven't been blogging lately. It's not like I'm busy or anything. I've been home for a month already and i feel like I'm wasting away my summer. Shit needs to pick up already. A job would be nice. Something to do would be nice too but money is necessary for that, which leads right back to me needing a job. I'm so frustrated right now I don't even know what to do with myself. Stuck in my house all the time. I really need to get out and do something. It needs to be something free.....
But seriously, I'm so out of it. I need something to occupy my time with before I go crazy. Preferably something that's gonna put some money in my bank account. I don't mind not having money right now but I have no summer clothes, I'm gonna need money for next semester, plus I need money to do almost any damn thing. UGHHHH. And you know some crazy shit? The only pair of sneakers I have I bought in February 2008!!! I have like 4 pairs of jeans and I could go on and on about what I don't have but, honestly that's not the point. I need work experience, and money to save up. Material things aren't my concern but I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to buy a few things too. Being broke isn't new to me, I can deal with that. But this time, it is so much different. Everyone in my house is broke and me being unemployed is not helping one bit.
I had expected a much better summer and so far it is not taking off at all! Yeah I have 2 months left but if I don't get a job soon I swear I'll go crazy!

I'm just hoping things pick up soon, reallllll soon.

BLAHHH

I was gonna write about my hair, but I'm not in the mood at the moment. Yeah I chopped off my straight hair and I feel great about it, but I'll come back to that later......

Right now I feel like shit. This is not a good thing. I came home from school excited, happy for the summer to come and all that good stuff. But right now, I have no idea where any of that excitement is. I've been applying to jobs all over and I still don't have a job. I know it might take time and the job market is bad and blah blah blah. I know all of this and yet I still feel like a big loser for not having a job yet. It may not even be my fault, but I feel like it is. Like somehow me not getting a job yet has made me some sort of failure. What the fuck is that crap? That doesn't even make sense to me and yet that's how I feel. I've been stuck up in my house these past couple of weeks with nothing to do and this shit is depressing the fuck out of me UGH. I need something to do or I'm gonna go crazy. Someone mentioned volunteering, its something to do and you could put it on a resume. That's great and all but there is no money involved which cannot possibly work for me. I'm not a money hungry person. I'm not concerned with going shopping every week and going out to spend money, that's not me. BUT I am in college and next semester is going to be crazy and being a poor college student is not gonna work for me. I can't just call up Mommy or Daddy for money like so many people I know can. That just isn't an option for me, at least not at this time. So I need to work and get money to save up cuz lord knows I will need it. Ugh, maybe I'm just depressed....ewww I don't like that. But its how I feel right now. Like BLAHHHHHH :(