September 3, 2014

Stop Shrinking

I haven't written a poem in over 2 years. I haven't recorded a video of me singing in over a year. I haven't allowed my creativity to flow in so long, I'm starting to wonder if its something that is natural to me or something that I used to force. Or maybe I've been in hiding, suppressing my desires to be creative, afraid of what might surface. Yeah, probably that one…that sounds like typical Shatera behavior smh. 

I miss me. I've been so caught up in my own sad bubble that I've neglected to take care of my soul. I need so much more than what I give myself, than what I allow myself to do. It's like I'm constantly wondering, "when will I get my confidence back?" And I'm tired. Tired of feeling like blah, tired of being in my depressing ass house, and tired of neglecting my spirit. I need to be free. And the only way I can do that is to let go. Let go of my fears.

You wanna know a secret? My biggest fear is that if I allow myself to be free, I'm gonna be really great at whatever it is that I do with my creativity. What kind of bullshit is that? To be completely honest, I think I'm brilliant. Its sooo hard for me to say things like that because I like staying humble. But I'm humble to a fault. I shouldn't be so modest that it comes off as me being insecure. I need to own my greatness. Its there, I just have to nurture it. 

So the question is how? The first step was me acknowledging it. The second…a bold act? Or maybe just a little one? See, just that quick I'm already shrinking myself. Smh. How about this...I'll figure out what my next step is, own it and come back with it. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.


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