Conversations

Them - Hey Shatera, how you doing?

What I say - I'm alright.

What I'm thinking - I feel like shit. Most days I either wanna run down the street screaming or bang my head up against the wall.

Them - How's the job search going?

What I say - Pretty unsuccessful. Hopefully I'll find something soon.

What I'm thinking - Not too well because I'm still fucking unemployed.

Of course it would be rude for me to respond that way. Sometimes I get tired of having the same old conversation over and over. I don't have a job. I'd like to. I'm unhappy right now. Case closed. What the hell else do you want me to say?

I've gotten to a place where I avoid situations where I have to talk about my life. I don't want to have small talk, I don't want to meet any new people and I barely want to talk to my family and friends. Pathetic right? Ehh, whatever. It's how I feel.

I know that I could find something positive in my life. Not having a job isn't the end of the world, it just makes me feel like I waste my time floating around purposeless. I don't like it. I hate having to depend on other people for every damn thing. You know what, complaining gets me no where so I'm gonna cut this short. I need a fucking job. I hope that I get something soon. Real soon...