It's kinda backwards for me to say I'm sick of it because I understand it completely. People were truly touched by him, I'm just not a crazy fan like that. Of course I love his music and videos too, I just wish the world would move on already. But I guess its too soon.
June 29, 2009
Yeah I'm Talking About Him Too...
Michael Jackson died. I didn't want to write about it because I don't like doing something that everyone and their Mama is doing. But I have a feeling what I have to say is quite different from others.... First off I'd like to make a disclaimer. It is not my intention to be disrespectful because yes this man is dead and yes he was an extremely influential person in more ways then one but.....I'm so tired of hearing about it!!! There I said it! I'm tired of seeing his videos and hearing everyone talking about it. Death is a part of life and his was very unexpected but he's dead, get over it. Was that too harsh? I don't wanna be mean but when other people die they talk about it a few days, I have a feeling this will be a topic for weeks. Now before I get attacked by MJ fans of course I have to recognize all the things this man has done (Well just a few, I don't feel like going through his whole life lol). -- the first black artist's video on MTV, crazy amount of albums sold, of course dancing, singing, lyrics, videos, philanthropy....on and on and on yes we all know this. So I do respect him for all that he has done ignoring all the many problems he had (He was so cute when he was black with a nose :-( too bad that changed).
It's kinda backwards for me to say I'm sick of it because I understand it completely. People were truly touched by him, I'm just not a crazy fan like that. Of course I love his music and videos too, I just wish the world would move on already. But I guess its too soon.
It's kinda backwards for me to say I'm sick of it because I understand it completely. People were truly touched by him, I'm just not a crazy fan like that. Of course I love his music and videos too, I just wish the world would move on already. But I guess its too soon.
Influence vs. Encouragement
I saw one of my aunts last week and it was her first time seeing me since I cut off my straight hair. She said she liked it and it was nice but then she said "you went off to college, cut your hair and became Afrocentric." And to me this was really funny. I know that people go off to college and their families become scared that they'll come back doing some crazy stuff. My mother told me not to go off and come back home gay, and my other aunt told me not to dye my hair green. While I do understand their concern, its just funny to me. I guess what the real issue is that people go off to college and find themselves. Lack of the influence and distance from family plus the liberation that knowledge brings leads to self discovery.
Influence isn't really a positive word to me. I don't like to be influenced because to me that screams not knowing who you are. Instead of saying I was influenced, I'd like to say I was encouraged. I had been thinking about going natural for years. Not many people know this but I always knew I would go natural during college cuz to me its a great time for it. I've always loved seeing people with natural hair and yeah I had a perm but it wasn't my choice initially and then I just kept doing it just cuz. Anyway, I'm wiser now and loving my natural curls and coils way more than that limp shit I had on my head before. I'm glad that I went away and found all these beautiful women that were not afraid to have their hair natural. Seeing for myself just how beautiful natural hair is was my encouragement.
Influence isn't really a positive word to me. I don't like to be influenced because to me that screams not knowing who you are. Instead of saying I was influenced, I'd like to say I was encouraged. I had been thinking about going natural for years. Not many people know this but I always knew I would go natural during college cuz to me its a great time for it. I've always loved seeing people with natural hair and yeah I had a perm but it wasn't my choice initially and then I just kept doing it just cuz. Anyway, I'm wiser now and loving my natural curls and coils way more than that limp shit I had on my head before. I'm glad that I went away and found all these beautiful women that were not afraid to have their hair natural. Seeing for myself just how beautiful natural hair is was my encouragement.
June 13, 2009
In Need of Something.....
I still don't have a job so what time I don't spend on applying to jobs I spend on a whole bunch of nothing. It's kinda backwards actually that I haven't been blogging lately. It's not like I'm busy or anything. I've been home for a month already and i feel like I'm wasting away my summer. Shit needs to pick up already. A job would be nice. Something to do would be nice too but money is necessary for that, which leads right back to me needing a job. I'm so frustrated right now I don't even know what to do with myself. Stuck in my house all the time. I really need to get out and do something. It needs to be something free.....
But seriously, I'm so out of it. I need something to occupy my time with before I go crazy. Preferably something that's gonna put some money in my bank account. I don't mind not having money right now but I have no summer clothes, I'm gonna need money for next semester, plus I need money to do almost any damn thing. UGHHHH. And you know some crazy shit? The only pair of sneakers I have I bought in February 2008!!! I have like 4 pairs of jeans and I could go on and on about what I don't have but, honestly that's not the point. I need work experience, and money to save up. Material things aren't my concern but I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to buy a few things too. Being broke isn't new to me, I can deal with that. But this time, it is so much different. Everyone in my house is broke and me being unemployed is not helping one bit.
I had expected a much better summer and so far it is not taking off at all! Yeah I have 2 months left but if I don't get a job soon I swear I'll go crazy!
I'm just hoping things pick up soon, reallllll soon.
But seriously, I'm so out of it. I need something to occupy my time with before I go crazy. Preferably something that's gonna put some money in my bank account. I don't mind not having money right now but I have no summer clothes, I'm gonna need money for next semester, plus I need money to do almost any damn thing. UGHHHH. And you know some crazy shit? The only pair of sneakers I have I bought in February 2008!!! I have like 4 pairs of jeans and I could go on and on about what I don't have but, honestly that's not the point. I need work experience, and money to save up. Material things aren't my concern but I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to buy a few things too. Being broke isn't new to me, I can deal with that. But this time, it is so much different. Everyone in my house is broke and me being unemployed is not helping one bit.
I had expected a much better summer and so far it is not taking off at all! Yeah I have 2 months left but if I don't get a job soon I swear I'll go crazy!
I'm just hoping things pick up soon, reallllll soon.
June 5, 2009
BLAHHH
I was gonna write about my hair, but I'm not in the mood at the moment. Yeah I chopped off my straight hair and I feel great about it, but I'll come back to that later......
Right now I feel like shit. This is not a good thing. I came home from school excited, happy for the summer to come and all that good stuff. But right now, I have no idea where any of that excitement is. I've been applying to jobs all over and I still don't have a job. I know it might take time and the job market is bad and blah blah blah. I know all of this and yet I still feel like a big loser for not having a job yet. It may not even be my fault, but I feel like it is. Like somehow me not getting a job yet has made me some sort of failure. What the fuck is that crap? That doesn't even make sense to me and yet that's how I feel. I've been stuck up in my house these past couple of weeks with nothing to do and this shit is depressing the fuck out of me UGH. I need something to do or I'm gonna go crazy. Someone mentioned volunteering, its something to do and you could put it on a resume. That's great and all but there is no money involved which cannot possibly work for me. I'm not a money hungry person. I'm not concerned with going shopping every week and going out to spend money, that's not me. BUT I am in college and next semester is going to be crazy and being a poor college student is not gonna work for me. I can't just call up Mommy or Daddy for money like so many people I know can. That just isn't an option for me, at least not at this time. So I need to work and get money to save up cuz lord knows I will need it. Ugh, maybe I'm just depressed....ewww I don't like that. But its how I feel right now. Like BLAHHHHHH :(
Right now I feel like shit. This is not a good thing. I came home from school excited, happy for the summer to come and all that good stuff. But right now, I have no idea where any of that excitement is. I've been applying to jobs all over and I still don't have a job. I know it might take time and the job market is bad and blah blah blah. I know all of this and yet I still feel like a big loser for not having a job yet. It may not even be my fault, but I feel like it is. Like somehow me not getting a job yet has made me some sort of failure. What the fuck is that crap? That doesn't even make sense to me and yet that's how I feel. I've been stuck up in my house these past couple of weeks with nothing to do and this shit is depressing the fuck out of me UGH. I need something to do or I'm gonna go crazy. Someone mentioned volunteering, its something to do and you could put it on a resume. That's great and all but there is no money involved which cannot possibly work for me. I'm not a money hungry person. I'm not concerned with going shopping every week and going out to spend money, that's not me. BUT I am in college and next semester is going to be crazy and being a poor college student is not gonna work for me. I can't just call up Mommy or Daddy for money like so many people I know can. That just isn't an option for me, at least not at this time. So I need to work and get money to save up cuz lord knows I will need it. Ugh, maybe I'm just depressed....ewww I don't like that. But its how I feel right now. Like BLAHHHHHH :(
May 21, 2009
"Good Hair"
Last night I watched an episode of the Tyra Show and it was about "Good Hair." First off, I'd like to say I can't stand that term. What the hell is good hair? Straight, wavy, shiny, bouncy, but oh no not "nappy." Cuz of course nappy hair can't possibly be beautiful - this is what troubles me. From a young age we're told that nappy hair isn't attractive and straight hair is easier to manage and more accepted in society. But this is not the truth. I feel like Black women have some of the most beautiful hair. I'm not knocking straight hair, but why should someone change the texture of their hair into something that is completely unnatural to them just for it to be considered attractive?
When I was 10 I got my first relaxer and I'll admit that I was excited about it. It wasn't my choice but I didn't really oppose it. But after relaxing my hair for all that time I've realized that it is not healthy for my hair at all. Why should I have to chemically alter my hair anyway? My natural hair is beautiful, it has personality meanwhile my straight hair is boring, limp and blah. I had to keep doing something to it to keep it interesting - which led to damage. But anyway, enough about me, back to Tyra.
On the show there were a few mothers and their children. One mother has a 3 year old daughter and she straightens her hair, not with heat, but chemically. Yes she relaxes her 3 year old's hair. WTF? She claims that it is easier to handle, it looks better and her daughter likes it. I think this is outrageous. Relaxing hair should not even be an option at that young age. It can't possibly be that hard to do her hair, I'm sorry. What ever happened to learning how to deal with our natural hair the correct way instead of being able to run a damn comb through it? Who said we're supposed to be using combs in our hair anyway? Being a part of this society is seriously fucking up how we see things and what we consider beautiful and acceptable. It pisses me off.
There was another mother, she's white and she has an 8 year old biracial daughter. She relaxes her hair and puts a weave in it. Yes a damn weave for an 8 year old!! Honestly, I don't even like seeing little girls with extensions, I don't feel it is necessary. But everyone is looking for an easy way out when the reality is that this is gonna mess up our children. Another woman intentionally had a child with a man outside her race so that she wouldn't have "nappy hair." She also attributes nappy hair with low class. WTF is this bullshit? So if my hair is kinky that means I'm low class? Really?
Some people claim that we straighten our hair because of self hatred. I feel it has more to do with conforming and confusion about beauty. Back in slavery times it was more beneficial to have straight hair and having kinky hair was looked down upon. This has manifested itself in our society today. After being told that our hair is unattractive for so long, we bring it on ourselves now - we don't even need outside influences telling us so.
Basically, whatever you choose to do to your hair is your business. I just wish people were more educated and open minded on the topic. The influence of our older generations and media truly has a hold on Black women and I can't stand it. If you wanna straighten your hair, wear a weave, rock it natural - whatever - its a personal choice. All I know is that I feel like I'm making a great decision by going natural. I'll finally meet the real me, minus the chemicals and bullshit.
When I was 10 I got my first relaxer and I'll admit that I was excited about it. It wasn't my choice but I didn't really oppose it. But after relaxing my hair for all that time I've realized that it is not healthy for my hair at all. Why should I have to chemically alter my hair anyway? My natural hair is beautiful, it has personality meanwhile my straight hair is boring, limp and blah. I had to keep doing something to it to keep it interesting - which led to damage. But anyway, enough about me, back to Tyra.
On the show there were a few mothers and their children. One mother has a 3 year old daughter and she straightens her hair, not with heat, but chemically. Yes she relaxes her 3 year old's hair. WTF? She claims that it is easier to handle, it looks better and her daughter likes it. I think this is outrageous. Relaxing hair should not even be an option at that young age. It can't possibly be that hard to do her hair, I'm sorry. What ever happened to learning how to deal with our natural hair the correct way instead of being able to run a damn comb through it? Who said we're supposed to be using combs in our hair anyway? Being a part of this society is seriously fucking up how we see things and what we consider beautiful and acceptable. It pisses me off.
There was another mother, she's white and she has an 8 year old biracial daughter. She relaxes her hair and puts a weave in it. Yes a damn weave for an 8 year old!! Honestly, I don't even like seeing little girls with extensions, I don't feel it is necessary. But everyone is looking for an easy way out when the reality is that this is gonna mess up our children. Another woman intentionally had a child with a man outside her race so that she wouldn't have "nappy hair." She also attributes nappy hair with low class. WTF is this bullshit? So if my hair is kinky that means I'm low class? Really?
Some people claim that we straighten our hair because of self hatred. I feel it has more to do with conforming and confusion about beauty. Back in slavery times it was more beneficial to have straight hair and having kinky hair was looked down upon. This has manifested itself in our society today. After being told that our hair is unattractive for so long, we bring it on ourselves now - we don't even need outside influences telling us so.
Basically, whatever you choose to do to your hair is your business. I just wish people were more educated and open minded on the topic. The influence of our older generations and media truly has a hold on Black women and I can't stand it. If you wanna straighten your hair, wear a weave, rock it natural - whatever - its a personal choice. All I know is that I feel like I'm making a great decision by going natural. I'll finally meet the real me, minus the chemicals and bullshit.
May 19, 2009
Summer Fun
Ok so my first year of college is over. A lot of people are writing their memories, the things they've learned and all that good stuff. So I considered doing the same. But then I thought, EWWW NOPE! So I won't do that corny shit, but what I will do is say that this year was ok to me. Not spectacular, not wonderful, not even all that stressful actually - just a different experience for me. The best part was meeting new people and making friends. I enjoyed programs, parties, and classes blah blah blah. Ok enough of that mushy shit......
The summer has began and I have a feeling that this summer will be quite an experience for me. Other than having my first job, it's the summer activities that are exciting to me. The beautiful weather, late night trips to the beach, parties and all that summery stuff is looking good. Plus a few other things that I don't wanna mention because it will incriminate me later on lmao. Yeah, I plan on enjoying myself this summer, on more than one level. I deserve it don't I? I mean hey I am on the Dean's list for the second semester in a row :D I think I deserve to pop bottles...of apple juice of course ;-) hahaha
The summer has began and I have a feeling that this summer will be quite an experience for me. Other than having my first job, it's the summer activities that are exciting to me. The beautiful weather, late night trips to the beach, parties and all that summery stuff is looking good. Plus a few other things that I don't wanna mention because it will incriminate me later on lmao. Yeah, I plan on enjoying myself this summer, on more than one level. I deserve it don't I? I mean hey I am on the Dean's list for the second semester in a row :D I think I deserve to pop bottles...of apple juice of course ;-) hahaha
May 9, 2009
Yeah I'm Weird, So What?
I'm weird and I know it. I don't really give a fuck actually. While everyone is so busy being "normal" and trying to fit in I'm living my life being "weird." But I know what I am and I don't care if you don't like it. You can go ahead and drown in your insecurities while I breathe in the fresh air of weirdness. If being weird means that you know who you are and refuse to give in to the norms then fuck it, I'm weird!
Shit, being normal is weird. Who the hell is normal anymore anyway? That's boring. LMFAOOO
I love me and all my weirdness. I'm unique and I'm pretty fucking sure you wont ever find another like me anywhere - on some real shit.
OK my ramble is over lol.
Shit, being normal is weird. Who the hell is normal anymore anyway? That's boring. LMFAOOO
I love me and all my weirdness. I'm unique and I'm pretty fucking sure you wont ever find another like me anywhere - on some real shit.
OK my ramble is over lol.
Relationship Bullshit
I wish people would stop watching TV and listening to songs to define love and guide their relationships. These actions and phrases associated with love make me sick. If you love someone you're supposed to do this, your supposed to say this. EWW, go sit down somewhere with that shit. Ugh it bothers me. Why should there be a set of rules and guidelines? Bump that, I want something that is real. Fuck what everyone says you're supposed to do, that's corny and boring lol. And what's up with all these people fucking so soon? The influence of media is fucking up peoples perception of what they're supposed to be doing in relationships.
"Well we've been together 2 weeks so let's fuck!"
"Hmm I think we should be fucking now, don't you think?"
"He says he loves me so I'm gonna give him some tonight"
STUPID.
REALLY STUPID.
Fuck TV
Live your life according to your own feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.
OK, I'm done with my rant.
"Well we've been together 2 weeks so let's fuck!"
"Hmm I think we should be fucking now, don't you think?"
"He says he loves me so I'm gonna give him some tonight"
STUPID.
REALLY STUPID.
Fuck TV
Live your life according to your own feelings and beliefs. PERIOD.
OK, I'm done with my rant.
May 7, 2009
1000 Views
Wow, I have exactly 1000 views right now on my Myspace blog. I don't know if that's a lot to other people but that's a lot to me lol. Well anyway, that made me think. I write because I like to and because it's therapeutic. But it helps to have other people read what I write. It's kinda reassuring to me to know that someone is reading what I wrote, even when its personal and I question whether or not I should've even wrote it.
That's really all I have to say lol.
That's really all I have to say lol.
May 3, 2009
Youngin'
I'm 19, which is pretty damn young. There's no need for me to keep stressing about being single. But then again its not me being single, its me being alone. I know I'm not alone because I have friends and family that I know love me. So I think the problem is the physical aspect of it. NOT SEXUAL, physical. Having somebody physically there to see, touch, talk, and all that shit. Idk, I don't think I'm lonely, I just think I need someone to share with. Idk, I'm still a baby so I aint stressing it. I just can't help but miss having someone around. Plus I know I may come off hard or weird to some people but I'm really harmless. I wish people would see that...but then again maybe its me thats putting out that image. I can't help the fact that I walk around looking like the world is about to end. I just don't know how to change that. Wait, lemme stop there. There's the problem. But how the hell am I supposed to randomly start looking approachable? If I walk around smiling people are gonna think I'm crazy or something. I just dont know....
But I am sick of talking about my lack of love life...maybe it's just on my mind. But why? A relationship cannot and will not validate me. I know this already...it'd just be nice to be seen in that way. To have someone to want to be around me. Saying this makes me a lil sad actually. Cuz I have people that want to be around me - my family and friends. And I seriously appreciate that. But I want something that they can't give me. I want to be appreciated in a different way. Damn, this sounds like a a quest for validation. I don't like it, thats not me. I don't like being vulnerable, soooo not a good look lol.
Unfortunately....I'll be back on this topic later lol
But I am sick of talking about my lack of love life...maybe it's just on my mind. But why? A relationship cannot and will not validate me. I know this already...it'd just be nice to be seen in that way. To have someone to want to be around me. Saying this makes me a lil sad actually. Cuz I have people that want to be around me - my family and friends. And I seriously appreciate that. But I want something that they can't give me. I want to be appreciated in a different way. Damn, this sounds like a a quest for validation. I don't like it, thats not me. I don't like being vulnerable, soooo not a good look lol.
Unfortunately....I'll be back on this topic later lol
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