Thirsty Thursday

Earlier this week I mentioned how in love I was with Raheem's newest mixtapes. Well, I neglected to mention the fact that King of Loveland 2 seemed to be devoted solely to sex. And you know what? I ain't mad at him lmao. Here's one of my faves:

Raheem DeVaughn's "Cum" from King of Loveland 2

There's no place but up. Well, down :)

A while ago I decided that I would not blog about my weight anymore. When I did write about it, my post would always be some depressing crap about how fat I am and how I needed to do more work to change it. Then I'd be motivated for like 2 weeks and fall off. I didn't want to write about it because it would be just another reminder of my failure. Well today I've decided to write about it as a marker. By this time next year, I will not still be this size. Maybe I won't hit my goal by then, which might be ok. But I will not be this size. Period.

Of course, I'm still cute lol. But I'm over feeling fat. So over it. I haven't decided on whether I'd be sharing my weightloss trials on this blog or not. We'll see. Either way, I'll be working on it. I don't have any other choice. I'm the heaviest I've EVER been. There's no place but up…well down in this instance lol.

Atlantic City

This past Saturday I went to Atlantic City for the first time. I had a good time with my sister. We strolled the boardwalk, ate some overpriced food and gambled a bit. I won $55! That's not a lot but for my first time gambling, I think I did pretty damn good lol. Plus, who doesn't like random money being put in their hand? lol

Oh yeah, I was cute :)

I wore dark lipstick for the first time, everrr lol



I also got a "personality reading," because I never had a reading before andddd it was $5. I figured it wouldn't hurt.

The psychic lady told me that I had a really good aura, I need to focus on my career and finance, I'll be traveling next year, I should be wary of someone from my past who's gonna pop up and that next year two men will fall in love with me.

First off, I think she was spot on! Secondly, two men falling in love with me??? Whaaaaa? Lol. No, but on a serious note, I totally agree about me needing to focus on my career goals and finances. I need to work hard to put myself in a better position and the time is now. Next month will make it a full year that I've been at my job. This was only supposed to be a temporary gig to hold me over while I searched for something better. Unfortunately, I got really comfortable and stopped looking for better. Well, my time is up. I need to move on. Also, I really liked what she said about my good aura. I actually agree. People tend to like me, most of the time I have no clue why lol. As far as the traveling part…I hope she's spot on. For the past two weeks or so, every time I see a plane, I'm wondering where it's going and why I'm not on it.

I've been feeling a subtle shift lately. Its mostly due to me trying to adjust the way I think. I'm trying to be more positive and proactive. I go through my ups and downs and my ups are usually short lived. But this time around, I think some things are gonna stick. I'm excited :)

Ohhh yeah, I also got my first henna tattoo! I couldn't find something I liked so I went with something classic, an Ankh on my right wrist. Lookie  :)




Overall, I had a really good day :)


 

Love (I want to love ya)

Earlier this year Raheem DeVaughn came out with two mixtapes - King of Lovelend and King of Loveland 2. I was late to download them, (shhh don't tell anybody) but once I did, had them on constant replay. I looove me some Raheem lol. I no longer stan for him like I once did but I always enjoy when he puts out his mixtapes. And this time around, I instantly fell in love with the last track. First of all, who is this chick singing??? I loooove every damn thing about her voice on this song. And secondly, who doesn't love a good Bob Marley sample?

Raheem DeVaughn's "Love (I want to love ya)" from King of Loveland 2 (2014)

No More Excuses

7.6.14

I've spent my entire life running from myself. I've had secret dreams and desires that I've kept to myself. Out of fear, out of uncertainty and due to a lack of confidence. Growing up, I wanted to sing and dance, act too. But I was too afraid to leave my comfort zone. I was too afraid of being vulnerable. So I never pursued any of those things. No one was encouraging me at home. There was nothing but apathy there. I always knew I was smart, I always knew I was special, but I never knew what I was capable of…if anything at all. There was never anything there for me to aspire to. I didn't have any dreams of doing anything spectacular or anything that would get me recognition. Everyone around me led mediocre lives, so I learned to just be mediocre too. Besides, if I were to sing, people would look at me, listen and pay attention…that was too much pressure. If I were to dance, people would watch intently and judge my movements. And if I were to act, I would be completely naked to the world. So I did none of those. I remained timid, I kept to myself and I decided that living my life in the shadows was better than trying to shine. I've always regretted not pushing myself. I always wanted more. I just didn't know how to get it.

When I went away to college, a lot of that changed. I became more outspoken, I let myself be known…through my writing. Writing was safe. I could spill my guts out onto the page and give the world a piece of me. The best part about that was that I could still be in the shadows. I mean, yeah they knew who was behind the words, but I didn't have to watch people read my words. I didn't have to be present for them to enjoy what I had to say. I released what I needed to onto the page and left it there for others to consume. It was perfect. Until I dropped my pen and decided not to pick it back up. So now all I do is let my mind wander. I write beautiful things in my head all the time. But I don't dare share these things. And why is that? Oh I know why, fear. My closest friend. I think its about time that I find a new friend. As a matter of fact, there's a few trifling heifers that I need to get rid of - fear, doubt, uncertainty, laziness and lack of self worth. I need to become acquainted with confidence, motivation, and plainly, self-love. Its clear to me that I don't love myself. I don't treat me any good. I'm not taking care of my body, my mind or my spirit. So what am I doing? Floating around, existing, completely unhappy but terrified of creating a different experience. It’s about time that I realize that my life can't go on like this. There's no need to wait till tomorrow or next week. Right now is all I have. Every moment is an opportunity to better myself and I have to take these chances. Because who said I'll be here tomorrow? I have to live for today. And I can't just say that I'm going to do better and keep doing the same ole bullshit five minutes later. I have to push myself. Because I do not want to look back on my life with any regrets. Plus, I'm too young to be feeling this old. I've made declarations like these in the past. And every time I've eased my way back into my same old habits. Not anymore.

I'm beautiful. I'm gifted. Most importantly, I'm capable. So no more excuses.
 

Hello There...

7.6.14

 

It's been quite a while right? I'm unsure if anyone has missed me but I know I definitely have missed this space. It's been extremely too long since I've picked up a pen and wrote something. Well, stroked some keys technically lol. So what's been going on with me? Quite a lot but nothing at all. How is that you say? Hmm, well I've been going through all types of emotions while staying stagnant in my life. I haven't had much growth in the past six months. I got a "promotion" at work, started a 6 month protective hair style challenge and I've managed to gain some weight and stay in a perpetual state of blah-ness. Sounds like fun right? I've been in a funk lately and I'm starting to wonder if I can remember the last time I didn't feel this way. So today I decided that I was going to take control over my life and try my hardest to keep the promises that I make to myself. One of those promises is to start writing again. Even if no one ever reads this, I still need to be able to express my thoughts. And I have plenty. So just as a warning, there may be some lengthy posts to follow...